高考作文習作點評（１６）

★2008年高考英語(遼寧卷)作文題目

第二節 書面表達(滿分25分)

假設你是李華，準備參加學校舉辦的主題為“健康成長”的英文作文比賽。

請按要求寫一篇短文，主要內容包括：

1. 樂觀的人生態度；2. 努力學習；

3. 參加體育鍛煉。生詞：態度 attitude

注意：1. 詞數100左右；

2. 可以適當增加細節，以使行文連貫；

3. 開頭已為你寫好。

We all want to grow up happily and healthily， and for this goal we must do several things.

學生習作與點評

We all want to grow up happily and healthily， and for this goal we must do several things.

1first of all we should have 2a bright and happy attitude 3for our lives 4to deal with everything that we faced. Second， we ought to study hard in order to have a better future， 5and we gonna get a lad to success. Finally， we should take part in all kinds of activities to strengthen ourselves! 6So let us do it for our life!

We all want to grow up happily and healthily， and for this goal we must do several things.

First of all， we should have a positive attitude to life. Second， we ought to study hard in order to have a better future. Finally， we should take part in all kinds of activities to strengthen ourselves! So let us do it for having a better life.

整體點評

這篇文章只能說是基本完成了題目要求的寫作任務，很難得到高分。主要存在的問題有以下幾點：

1. 詞數沒有達到題目的要求。整篇文章只有70個詞左右，沒有達到題目中100個詞的要求。

2. 內容不夠充實。文章只是將題目所給的要點內容直接翻譯后一一羅列，并沒有把每一個要點的內容進一步展開，使得文章內容十分單薄，空洞無物。

3. 文章的句型單一，缺少變化。雖然當中用到了幾個比較好的詞(組)，如deal with、take part in和strengthen等，但是句型卻是以簡單句居多，如第二段的前三句話全是用的“We should...”句型，使得文章過于平淡。

4. 文章中的小錯誤也很多(如開頭字母沒有大寫，標點符號使用欠準確等)，而這些小錯誤在考試的文章中頻頻出現，無疑會給閱卷老師留下不好的印象，影響評分。這也說明了本文作者在平時寫作時沒有養成良好的寫作習慣。

難點分析

1. 句首第一個字母要大寫，而且“First of all”表示“首先”，使用時后面一般要用逗號與正文分隔開。

2. 表達“積極的/樂觀的態度”應該是“a positive attitude”或者是“an optimistic attitude”。

3. 介詞搭配不當。表達“對……的態度/看法”時，固定搭配是“attitude to/toward/about”，而不是“attitude for”。

4. “A positive attitude to life”句意已經完整，再加上“to deal with everything that we faced”便顯得贅余，因此刪掉。

5. 拼寫錯誤。聯系上下文，此處作者想要表達的是“a ladder to success(成功的階梯)”，而非lad。這句話與上一句無太大聯系，有些離題，刪去。

6. 作為文章的結尾句，這句話顯得很沒有力量，修改后的說法更好一些。

參考范文

參考范文

We all want to grow up happily and healthily， and for this goal we must do several things.

First， it is very important to have a positive attitude to life. We all know that life is filled with 1not only happiness but also hardships. A positive attitude can help us overcome difficulties and lead us to success. Second， we should work hard. We are young and at the age of learning and we should make full use of it to learn more knowledge， 2which will lay a solid foundation for our future success. Third， I strongly suggest taking part in sport activities， such as playing football， badminton， basketball and so on. More exercises allow us to have a strong and healthy body. 3If we can do these things， we will definitely grow up happily and healthily.

參考句型

1． 表達“不僅……而且……”時，可以使用“Not only...but (also)...”。

2． 非限定性定語從句。

3．“If”引導的條件句。

有用的表達方式

1. deal with 處理，對付

提示：該詞組的同義詞是handle。

例句：Whether you are tracking your spending of saving for something special， creating a budget can help you deal with expenses and plan for the future. (2006北京)

Advances in medical science also allow us to deal with new diseases， such as SARS.

2. ought to [表示可能性、期望]該，應該

例句：What do you think I ought to see first in London? (2006全國)

The best way to make sure that we will feel and look fine is to develop healthy eating habits. We ought to learn more about our body and the fuel it needs to keep fit.

3. take part in 參加

提示：表達“參加”的意思時，還可以說“participate in”。

例句：How many sun-powered cars took part in the race? (2004全國)

Even if you don't want to be an actor， you may want to take part in a play or an acting class.

4. strengthen vt. 加強，鞏固

例句：The 863 Program and the new technologies have directly and indirectly helped China's economic construction and strengthened its social development.

The country also began to change its attitude towards Aborigines (澳大利亞土著居民): In the late 1960s， the government passed laws to strengthen the rights of Aborigines and Islanders and to improve their living conditions.

5. attitude n. 態度，看法

提示：attitude to/towards/about...

搭配：positive/negative attitude 積極/消極態度

例句：In order to change attitudes towards employing women， the government is bringing in new laws. (2004北京)

Club managers also want every footballer to have good team spirit， a strong character， mental strength and a positive attitude.

6. overcome vt. 克服

搭配：overcome difficulties/a fault 克服困難/缺點

例句：To overcome a shortage of trained medical staff at Dover Hospital， 10 doctors have been employed from overseas. (2006江西)

The articles in the magazine are often about disabled people who have overcome difficulties and learnt to live a meaningful and productive life.

7. use n. 使用，運用

搭配：make use of... 使用，利用

例句：Industry is making increasing use of robots. (《英漢大詞典》)

I think Cohen， as a politician， will make better use of the media. (《朗文英語詞典》)

8. foundation n. 基礎

搭配：lay the foundation(s) 打下基礎；solid foundation堅實的基礎

例句：By taking the scientific developments of his day one step further， Jules Verne laid the foundation of modern science fiction.

The course is carefully designed to give children a solid foundation in English grammar.

9. definitely adv. 明確地，確切地

例句：His plan was certainly crazy and almost definitely doomed to failure but it was his only option.

I'm glad to say that I'd definitely vote for it.

(注：未標明出處的例句均選自高中課本)