時間記錄者

在他筆下的世界里，他就是神，有著生殺予奪的大權，掌握著筆下角色的命運，預知時間軌跡里每一步的發展，就像一個時間記錄員。不過，他也有著諸多無奈，看著別人相親相愛，自己卻孤孤單單，明明知道有些事情勢必要發生，卻只能按兵不動地耐心等待。你已經猜到他是誰了吧？對，他——就是作者。

Although he doesn’t know it yet， on January 14th， at 73 years of age， Andrew will rest eternally at his late wife’s side. On March 4th， at 29 years， he and his wife will have their first child. On October 18th， when he is 26， they will be married in a small， quaint1) ceremony among family， and in just a few minutes， at the age of 24， he will meet his wife-to-be at this coffee shop after accidentally spilling coffee on her. I know these things because I am here to make sure he trips2).

Such is the role of a Timekeeper: one untethered3) from time to ensure others’ lives happen on schedule. Normally my assignments aren’t so involved， and normally I would welcome a little extra involvement， but to be perfectly honest， this time I’m a little jealous. I’m here to connect two lives， while I’m alienated from connection. I’ll be here for the next few minutes， oversee this happening， then jump off to another time， another person， another situation to preside over. I have been doing it as long as I can remember， and I will admit， it wears on4) me.

For now， though， I find a half-moment’s solace in this crowded coffee shop， wrapped around my steaming mug. The smell of coffee hangs5) a little too thick in the air， but the stuffiness6) inside is much preferred to the bite of the chill outdoors. I resent the occasional obnoxious7) scream of the milk steamer which interrupts the otherwise relaxed atmosphere. Nobody else seems to notice it， though; every ounce of their attention is absorbed by their laptops or textbooks—my eyes alone dart8) around the room. It would take the accident I am here to arrange to break the ice.

Even in this room full of people， I couldn’t feel more alone， being here to make sure two future lovers meet. I already know the conclusion of their story and it ends well: they are happy until their dying days. If only they knew what was about to transpire9)—they are about to meet that person they have been looking for their whole lives. I count down the seconds until things happen as everyone else lives in perpetual suspense. Ironic， then， that my name is conspicuously absent from my schedule book. The Author’s cruel joke， maybe?

I probably won’t ever know， but cue the bride-to-be—right on time. She’s not nearly as cute as I had imagined; a little pudgy10) around the middle， and wearing slightly too much makeup. She’s slouching11) a bit as if she isn’t too confident; my schedule says she hasn’t dated anybody in a while， so that probably has something to do with it. Apparently he will find her cute enough， though， since their timelines don’t part after this.

My thoughts and emotions are so loud in my head， I swear everyone within ten feet must be able to hear. She has to be able to feel my eyes on her back; perhaps they could burn a hole through my novel instead. I hope she can’t see my attention following her. The only empty table is right next to me.

She looks different sitting across from12) me; up closer， she has sad eyes， weary eyes. I know that look well: of one who has been alone too long， and has resigned herself to such a fate. I might as well trade13) places with her—I sure wish I could. If only I could only lean forward and tell her that this will all change in about two minutes， I would; well， I might—if only someone would lean forward and whisper how long it might be for me. How cruel it is， with all the nuanced14) details I know about everyone， that I am resigned to watching them fumble15) through life while having all their answers and none for myself. Crueler still: arranging happiness while my own is but a foreign concept. Making me set people up16) is like making a starving child serve dinner.

It just isn’t fair. Why should I arrange love while I have yet to find it? I wonder， what if I didn’t trip him? She already knows loneliness， and I can testify that it doesn’t kill a person. We all learn to live with our circumstances， right? It is my choice， after all， to go through with my orders or not. Let the consequences fall as they may. What punishment I’d get for not enforcing the schedule cannot overpower the anguish17) of following through.

Andrew must have heard me because there he is walking through the door as if to protest. If only you knew the power I have over you: this next minute of your life will determine the rest. You were strangers yesterday， are strangers today， and could be strangers still tomorrow; you could go along with your day as you otherwise would and never know the difference. Maybe if she doesn’t notice you， or you， her. Oh， but she has already. I recognize that look; that initial spark is in her eye. Don’t look her way and this will all be just another unreturned smile.

He met her glance: connection. He is walking this way. Oh， brutal responsibility. I am here to keep the schedule. I am here burned by frigid18) loneliness. He approaches. Closer. Conflicted. My foot extends almost on its own. He trips. The mug goes flying. Yelps19) and arms flail20). Apologies and napkins scramble. There’s coffee everywhere.

What a mess. But such is love.

Well， I went through with it after all. I’ll get up now， and quietly disappear， off to the next assignment. Knowing so much yet so little never gets any easier. These doubts and insecurities never fully go away. I know I’ll kick and scream a while yet， but eventually， as always， I’ll remember to trust that someone knows my schedule， and I don’t need to worry—the Author writes what’s best.

1.quaint [kwe#618;nt] adj. 老式而別致的；精巧的；雅致的

2.trip [tr#618;p] vi. 摔倒，絆倒

3.untether [#652;n#712;t#603;eth;#601;] vt. 把……從系繩(或系鏈)上解下，松開

4.wear on：使煩躁不安；使疲倦

5.hang [haelig;#331;] vi. 飄浮，懸浮

6.stuffiness [#712;st#652;fin#601;s] n. 不通風，悶熱

7.obnoxious [#601;b#712;n#594;k#643;#601;s] adj. 使人非常不快的，惹人討厭的

8.dart [dɑ#720;(r)t] vi. 突然且快速地移動

9.transpire [traelig;n#712;spa#618;#601;(r)] vi. 發生

10.pudgy [#712;p#652;d#658;i] adj. 矮胖的；豐滿的

11.slouching [#712;sla#650;t#643;#618;#331;] adj. 沒精打采的；低頭垂肩的

12.across from：在……對面

13.trade [tre#618;d] vt. 互相交換

14.nuanced [#712;nju#720;ɑ#720;nst] adj. (描述、表演等)細致入微的

15.fumble [#712;f#652;mb(#601;)l] vi. 摸索；摸索著行進

16.set sb. up：為兩人安排約會

17.anguish [#712;aelig;#331;ɡw#618;#643;] n. (精神上的)極度痛苦

18.frigid [#712;fr#618;d#658;#618;d] adj. 寒冷的；冷淡的

19.yelp [jelp] n. 尖聲急叫

20.flail [fle#618;l] vi. (胡亂地)擺動

盡管安德魯現在還不知道，但在1月14日，他73歲那年，他將會長眠在已故妻子的身旁。在3月4日，他29歲時，他和妻子將會擁有他們的第一個孩子。在10月18日，他26歲時，他們將在家人中間舉行一個小巧別致的婚禮，結為夫妻。再過幾分鐘，24歲時，在這家咖啡店里，他將意外地將咖啡灑在他的未婚妻身上，從而與她結識。我知道這一切，因為此時此刻我就在這家咖啡店里，目的就是為了確保讓他絆上一腳。

這就是一個時間記錄者的職責：超然于時間之外，以確保他人的生活依照時間表進行。一般來說，我的任務都不是太復雜，不過一般來說，我還是希望能稍微復雜一點；但說真的，這一次我有點嫉妒。我來這里是為了將兩個生命聯系在一起，而我本人卻置身于這種聯系之外。在接下來的幾分鐘里，我將在這里促使這一切發生，然后就會跳到另一段時間，去見另一個人，主持另一個場景。自我能記憶開始，我就一直在從事這一工作。不得不承認，對此我已有點厭倦了。

然而，此時此刻，在這個擁擠的咖啡店里，呷著一杯熱氣騰騰的咖啡，我尋到了片刻的安慰。空氣中彌漫著的咖啡味雖說有點過于濃重，但室內沉悶的空氣總比外面刺骨的寒冷要愜意得多。偶爾會傳來幾聲煮奶器發出的令人討厭的尖嘯，打破原本輕松的氣氛，讓我感到不快。然而，別的客人似乎都沒有留意到這一點，他們全部的注意力都放到筆記本電腦或者教科書上了，只有我一個人的目光在房間里巡視著。要打破這沉默的堅冰，還需要發生一件“意外”，而我來此的目的，就是要安排這件“意外”之事如期發生。

盡管咖啡店里人很多，但我卻感到形單影只，因為我來這里是為了確保兩個未來的戀人能夠相見。我已經知道他們故事的結局，屬于皆大歡喜的那種：他們一直過著幸福的日子，直至生命盡頭。他們要是知道即將發生什么事情，該做何感想呢——他們就要邂逅那個他們一直以來都在尋找的另一半了。就在別人都還生活在永恒的懸念中時，我開始進行倒數，直至事情發生。富有諷刺意味的是，在我制定的時間表里，我自己的名字卻赫然缺失。也許，這就是造物主對人無情的捉弄？

也許我將永遠無法知曉這一問題的答案，但我還是讓這個未來的新娘及時出場了。她遠沒有我想象的那么可愛，腰圍有點大，臉上的妝化得也稍微濃了點。她顯得有點無精打采，似乎不那么自信。我的時間表上說她有一陣子沒跟人約會了，也許這就是其中一部分原因吧。但很顯然，他將會覺得她夠可愛，因為他們的時間線自此之后就再也沒有分開過。

我心中的想法和感觸是如此強烈，我敢說十英尺以內的所有人都可以聽到。她的后背也一定能夠感受到我注視的目光，或許這目光都能把我的小說燒出個洞來。我希望她沒有看到我一直在注意她。唯一的空位就在我旁邊。

她坐在我對面，看起來有點不同。近距離看上去，她有一雙憂郁、疲憊的眼睛。這種眼神我太熟悉了：一個長期形單影只而且已經對此屈服認命的人的眼神。我也許可以和她交換一下位置——我當然希望如此。要是我能夠俯過身子告訴她一切都會在大約兩分鐘之內發生變化，我當然會這樣做；呃，我也許會吧——我多么希望有人能夠湊過來小聲告訴我還要等多久。這是多么殘酷啊——我掌握著所有人生活的每一個微妙的細節，知道他們所有的人生答案，但卻只能聽從于命運的安排，看著他們磕磕絆絆地走過一生，而對我自己的人生卻一無所知。更為殘酷的是，我在為別人安排幸福，而我自己的幸福卻遠在天邊。讓我為別人牽線搭橋，就好比要一個饑腸轆轆的孩子給別人端盤子上菜。

這根本不公平。為什么我自己還沒有找到愛卻要為別人的愛情操心謀劃？我想知道，要是我不絆他一腳結果會怎樣？她已經領略了孤獨的滋味，我可以證明孤獨死不了人。我們都要學會適應環境，對吧？說到底，要不要執行我的計劃還是我說了算。管它什么后果不后果的。如果說不履行計劃會給我帶來懲罰，那么這種懲罰遠遠比不上履行它給我帶來的痛苦。

安德魯肯定聽到了我心里說的話，因為此時他正好從門口走進來，好像要向我抗議似的。抗議什么？要知道我可掌握著你的命運：即將到來的這一分鐘將會決定你今后一生的命運。你們昨天是陌生人，今天也是陌生人，明天有可能還是陌生人。你大可以像往常一樣，繼續過你的日子，永遠不知道人生會有其他的不同。事實或許果真會如此發展——假如她沒有注意到你，或者你沒有注意到她。可是，哎呀，她已經注意到你了。我認出了那種眼神，那道最原始的火花在她眼中閃亮。不要往她那邊看，讓她的微笑又一次得不到任何回應吧。

他，和她，目光相遇了：連接成功。他向這邊走來。哦，無情而殘酷的責任啊。我來到這里，就是為了執行時間表。我來到這里，凄涼的孤獨將我焚燒。他走近了。更近了。沖突產生。我的腳幾乎自動伸了出去。他絆倒了。杯子飛了。驚叫。狂亂舞動的手臂。忙不迭地道歉。慌亂擦拭的餐巾。到處都是咖啡。

亂成一團。可這就是愛情。

不管怎么說，我還是執行了這一計劃。現在，我將站起身，悄悄地走開，去執行下一個任務。要做到似乎無所不知卻又幾乎一無所知從來都不容易。那些疑惑和心神不定的感覺從來都不會完全遠離。我知道我還會哭天喊地地埋怨一陣，但最終，我還是會像往常一樣，相信總會有人明白我的設計，而我也無需多慮——冥冥之中，造物主自有妙算。