寂寞芳心：瑪麗蓮?夢露的最后訪談

瑪麗蓮·夢露，一個被電影史永遠記住的名字，她的優雅、神秘與魅惑使得無數人為之傾倒，是影迷心中永遠的性感女神。在事業上，她是一顆閃耀著奪目光芒的璀璨明星；在生活中，她卻經歷了無數的不幸。夢露出生于一個不完整的家庭，童年時一直在寄養家庭和孤兒院之間輾轉，過著寄人籬下的生活。她遭遇過家庭暴力，遭受過性騷擾，經歷過三次不幸的婚姻，最終在凄涼中告別了人世，她的死因至今仍是個未解之謎。今年是夢露逝世50周年，本刊選登的這篇文章發表于1962年8月17日的《生活》（Life）雜志，是為紀念夢露逝世而寫的一篇回憶錄，作者回憶了在夢露逝世前不久采訪夢露時的情景。從中我們會發現光鮮外表下另一個敏感、脆弱與孤獨的夢露。

If Marilyn Monroe was glad to see you， her “hello” would sound in your mind all of your life—the breathless warmth of the emphasis on the “lo”， her well—deep eyes turned up toward you and her face radiantly1） crinkled in a wonderfully girlish smile.

I first experienced this when， after two get—acquainted meetings in New York， I came in the late afternoon several weeks ago to her Brentwood2）， Calif. home to begin a series of conversations on fame. Expecting one of the famous waits for Marilyn， I sat on the soft wall—to—wall carpet of the living room and began struggling to set up my tape recorder. Suddenly， I became aware of a pair of brilliant yellow slacks3） upright beside me. In the slacks was Marilyn， silently watching me with a solicitous4） grin， very straight and slender with delicately narrow shoulders. She seemed shorter than I remembered and she looked spectacular in a loose—fitting blouse.

In the living room， seated on a nondescript5） chair and sofa， we began our talking—after Marilyn poured herself a glass of champagne. At each question she paused thoughtfully. “I’m trying to find the nailhead6）， not just strike the blow7），” she said. Then a deep breath and out her thoughts would tumble8）， breathless words falling over breathless words. Once she said， “One way basically to handle fame is with honesty and I mean it and the other way to handle it when something happens—as things have happened recently， and I’ve had other things happen to me， suddenly， my goodness， the things they try to do to you， it’s hard to take—I handle with silence.”

Her inflections came as surprising twists and every emotion was in full bravura9）， acted out with exuberant gestures. Across her face flashed anger， wistfulness10）， bravado， tenderness， ruefulness11）， high humor and deep sadness. And each idea usually ended in a startling turn12） of thought， with her laugh rising to a delightful squeak13）. “I think I have always had a little humor，” said Marilyn. “I guess sometimes people just sort of questioned， ‘does she know what she’s saying，’ and sometimes you do all of a sudden think about something else and you didn’t mean to say it exactly. I’m pointing at me. I don’t digest things with my mind. If I did， the whole thing wouldn’t work. ”

At this point I began to see that Marilyn did nothing by halves14）. Of her millions of fans she said， “The least I can do is give them the best they can get from me.” I could also see how important it was to her to feel that the person she talked to “understood.”

Understanding apparently meant being very sympathetic， taking her side in everything， recognizing the nuances15） of her meanings and valuing all that she valued， especially small things. When I showed genuine enthusiasm for her house， she said， “Good， anybody who likes my house， I’m sure I’ll get along with.”

But I had the constant， uneasy feeling that my status with her was precarious16）， that if I grew the least bit careless， she might suddenly decide that I， like many others she felt had let her down， did not understand. Once I slangily asked her how she “cranked up17）” to do a scene. I was instantly confronted by queenly outrage： “I don’t crank anything. I’m not a Model T18）. I think that’s kind of disrespectful to refer to it that way.”

But I could not feel impatient with her impatience. It was all so understandable as she talked about the people who wrote columns and stories about her： “They go around and ask mostly your enemies. Friends always say， ‘Let’s check and see if this is all right with her.’” And then she added wistfully： “You know， most people really don’t know me.” There was grief in her eyes when she described how Joe DiMaggio Jr.19） used to be taunted20） at school because of her. “You know， ha， ha， your stepmother is Marilyn Monroe， ha， ha， ha. All that kind of stuff.” And there was yearning in her voice as she returned over and over again to “kids， and older people and workingmen” as a source of warmth in her life， as the unthreatening people who treated her naturally， whom she could meet spontaneously. I felt a rush of protectiveness for her； a wish—perhaps the sort that was the root of the public’s tenderness for Marilyn—to keep her from anything ugly and hurtful.

When I arrived the next afternoon for a second session she immediately asked to postpone our talk. She was tired out， she said， from negotiations with 20th Century Fox over resumption21） of Something’s Got to Give. But she hospitably offered me a drink and we chatted. She was obviously upset. But there was no hint of morose22） despair. She was electric23） with indignation and began talking angrily about how studios treat their stars. I asked if she had ever wished that she were tougher. She answered， “Yes—but I don’t think it would be very feminine to be tough. Guess I’ll settle for24） the way I am.” Before I left one of the last things she said was， “With fame， you know， you can read about yourself， somebody else’s ideas about you， but what’s important is how you feel about yourself—for survival and living day to day with25） what comes up.”

Over the weekend Marilyn was scheduled to pose for pictures so I suggested we eat breakfast before her noon appointment. She agreed and I arrived on Saturday at 10. I rang the doorbell repeatedly. No answer. But through the window I could see a man sitting in her little glassed—in26） porch， reading a magazine with the bored patience of somebody who had been there a long time. I waited and rang for about 10 minutes， then went away for an hour. At 11 my ring was answered by Marilyn’s housekeeper， Mrs. Murray， who took me to wait in a guest room just off a tiny hall from Marilyn’s bedroom. At noon Mrs. Murray took a tray of breakfast in to her. Shortly afterward Marilyn came out and said hello.

I then became a witness to the fabled27） process of Marilyn preparing for an appointment—and being four hours late for it. The patient gentleman was her hairdresser， Mr. Kenneth. While he worked on her and she sat under the dryer I could hear uproarious28） laughter. Then， in her curlers， she made little barefooted errands about the house and in and out of her room， phone calls， visits to me to ask if I was comfortable， all busy bustling， getting nothing done. There was none of the fearful moping29） and preening30） in front of mirrors I had heard so much about. She was entirely cheerful and utterly disorganized. I could not help feeling that what some people blamed on stage fright31） might partly be her endless debt to time. The necessary mechanics of daily living were beyond her grasp； she always started out behind and never caught up.

Two days later I called Marilyn for another appointment to talk over the final draft of her story. She said， “Come anytime， like， you know， for breakfast.” There was in her voice a note which I had come to recognize—an appealing eagerness to please. I came again at 10 and once again she slept till noon. Finally we sat down together on a tiny sofa. She was barefooted， wearing a robe， and had not yet washed off last night’s mascara32）. Her delicate hair was in a sleep—tumbled whirl. But she had made me feel this was a compliment. “Friends，” she had said， “accept you the way you are.” As was usual， her face was very pale. She held the manuscript high in front of her eyes and carefully read it aloud， listening to every phrase to be sure it sounded exactly like her.

She kept the manuscript and I returned for it late that afternoon. On the steps of the house she showed me changes she had penciled in， all of them small. She asked me to take out a remark about quietly giving money to needy individuals. And then we said goodbye. As I walked away she suddenly called after me， “Hey， thanks.” I turned to look back and there she stood， very still and strangely forlorn33）. I thought then of her reaction earlier when I had asked if many friends had called up to rally round34） when she was fired by Fox. There was silence， and sitting very straight， eyes wide and hurt， she had answered with a tiny， “No.”

假如瑪麗蓮·夢露很高興地向你打招呼，她的那聲“哈嘍”將會縈繞在你腦海中，終生難忘——她將“嘍”音發得特別重，聲音里透著一種溫暖，幾乎令人透不過氣來，一雙深邃的眼睛向上望著你，臉上洋溢著少女般燦爛、姣好的笑容。

我第一次經歷這一切是在紐約和她見了兩次面相識以后。在幾周前的一個傍晚，我來到她位于加利福尼亞州布倫特伍德的家，準備就名利問題對她進行一系列的采訪。我本來以為要等待很長時間，因為瑪麗蓮在這方面是出了名的，所以我便在鋪滿整個客廳的松軟地毯上坐了下來，開始搗騰我的磁帶錄音機。突然，我意識到有一條鮮黃色的筆直寬松長褲出現在我身旁。穿著這條褲子的正是瑪麗蓮，她正一聲不響地看著我，臉上帶著關切的微笑。她身材苗條，亭亭玉立，嬌小的肩膀顯出柔美的曲線。她似乎比我印象中要矮一些，上身穿著寬大的襯衫，顯得特別引人注目。

在客廳里，坐在一張說不清是沙發還是椅子的沙發椅上，我們開始了交談，在這之前，瑪麗蓮給自己倒了一杯香檳。對于每一個問題，她都要停下來沉思一番。“我想切中問題的要害，而不僅僅是漫無目的地大談特談。”接著，她會深深地吸上一口氣，心中所想就會噴涌而出，連珠炮似的，一句接著一句，中間都不用歇氣。有一次她說：“處理名利問題的一個基本方法就是誠實，沒錯，就是誠實。還有另一個處理方法，那是當某些事發生時——正如最近發生的一些事一樣，還有我經歷的其他一些事情，突然間，天哪，他們到底想對我做什么，實在讓人難以接受——此時我就以沉默來應對。”

她的語調抑揚頓挫，充滿令人意想不到的變化，喜怒哀樂都表達得十分到位，同時還用生動夸張的手勢比劃著。她的臉時而顯得憤怒，時而充滿渴望，時而虛張聲勢，時而溫柔可人，時而凄楚哀婉，時而詼諧幽默，時而傷心欲絕。每個觀點說到最后，她都要以一句驚人妙語作為結束，笑聲也愈發響亮，甚至尖細，但依然悅耳動聽。“我認為我總是有點幽默感，”瑪麗蓮說，“我覺得有時候人們可能會問：‘她真的知道自己在說什么嗎？’有時候你的確會突然想到其他一些事情，而這些事你原來根本沒打算說。我是在說我自己。我這人對好多事都不動腦筋。要是我動腦筋，一切都會不同了。”

這時我開始看出瑪麗蓮做什么事都不會半途而廢。談到她數百萬的粉絲，她說：“我能為他們做的，至少是為他們提供我所能提供的最好的東西。”我還看出，對她來說，感覺和她交談的那個人能夠“理解她”是多么重要。

在她看來，理解顯而易見就是要有同情心，凡事站在她的立場上，能明白她話中各種微妙的含義，看重她所看重的一切，尤其是小事情。當我對她的住房表現出真誠的喜愛時，她說：“不錯，任何喜歡我房子的人，我相信都能和他好好相處。”

但我總有一種不安的感覺，覺得我在她眼中的地位岌岌可危，萬一我有一點馬虎大意，她就可能會突然認定我不理解她，正如許許多多她認為讓她失望的人一樣。有一次，我使用了一個俚語，問她是怎樣把自己“發動起來”拍一個鏡頭的。我立刻就見識了她那女王般的憤怒：“我從來不發動什么。我又不是福特的T型車。我認為這種說法是很不禮貌的。”

她可以對我急躁，但我卻無法對她急躁。我特別理解她對那些報道她的專欄作家和記者的看法：“他們東走西竄，采訪的大都是你的敵人。朋友們則總是會說：‘我們要確認一下這樣對她是否合適。’”接著，她又惆悵地補充說：“你知道，大多數人都不能真正地了解我。”談到小喬·狄馬喬過去在學校里如何因為她而受人奚落時，她的眼睛里流露出悲傷的神情：“你知道他們怎么說他，‘哈哈，你后媽是瑪麗蓮·夢露，哈哈哈’，都是些這樣的混話。”當她一次次談到“孩子、老人和工人”時，她的聲音里充滿了眷戀之情，因為他們為她的人生帶來了溫暖，對她沒有威脅，能夠和她自然相處，而她也可以不加掩飾地與他們相見。對她，我不禁產生了一種保護的沖動，希望能夠保護她遠離丑惡，不受任何傷害——這種愿望也許就是公眾對瑪麗蓮溫情呵護的根源吧。

第二天下午，我過來進行第二輪采訪時，她立即要求推遲我們的會談。她說，她累壞了，因為她之前在和20世紀福克斯公司就續拍《瀕于崩潰》的事宜進行談判。但她很友好地請我喝了點酒，我們也聊了一會兒。可以很明顯地看出她很心煩，但她并沒有流露出任何郁悶絕望的跡象。她義憤難平，開始憤怒地談起電影公司如何不公平地對待影星。我問她是否曾希望自己能夠更強硬一些。她說：“是的，但太強硬的話我覺得就沒有女人味了。估計我這一輩子可能都無法改變了。”在我離開之前，她說了幾句話，其中一句是：“說到名利，要知道，你可以去讀別人筆下的你，了解別人對你的看法，但重要的還是你自己怎么看自己——為了生存，為了忍受每天發生的一切。”

周末，按計劃瑪麗蓮要擺姿勢拍照的，于是我建議在她中午赴約之前我們一起吃早餐。她答應了，于是周六上午10點我到了她家。我按了好多次門鈴，都沒人響應。但透過窗戶，我看到一個男人坐在四周用玻璃圍住的小門廊里，正在讀一本雜志。看得出來，他雖有耐心，卻已百無聊賴，顯然已等了很長時間。我等了等，又按了大約十分鐘的門鈴，然后離開了，一個小時后才返回。11點，我又按了門鈴，瑪麗蓮的管家默里夫人過來開了門。她將我帶到一間客房，讓我在那里等著，這間客房靠近一個小門廳，門廳連著瑪麗蓮的臥室。中午時，默里夫人端著早餐托盤進了她的臥室。沒過多久，瑪麗蓮就出來打招呼了。

那時，我親眼見證了傳說中的瑪麗蓮為約會精心打扮的漫長過程——她晚了整整四個小時。那位耐心的紳士是她的發型師肯尼斯先生。肯尼斯為她做頭發，她坐在吹風機下面，我能聽到陣陣爽朗的大笑聲。然后，她戴著一頭卷發夾子，赤著腳在房子里跑來跑去或從臥室里跑進跑出做些小事情，打電話，還時不時地過來看看我，問我是否舒適等等，看起來忙忙碌碌的，其實卻什么事也沒做成。我經常聽人說她喜歡在鏡子前百無聊賴地打發時光、自顧自憐，但這種可怕的情境此時我一點也沒有看到。只見她興高采烈，卻又毫無條理。我不禁想到，她那受某些人責備的怯場問題也許部分源于她欠下的無窮的時間之債。維持日常生活正常運轉所必需的一切她都無法掌控。她總是在起點就已落后，后來怎么追也趕不上。

兩天后，我打電話給瑪麗蓮，再約她商談對她進行報道的終稿。她說：“你隨時都可以來，比方說，吃早餐的時候。”她的聲音里包含某種信息，對于這種信息我已逐漸能夠辨識——那是一種懇求，一種急于討人歡喜的渴望。我又一次在10點到達，而她又一次睡到中午。最后我們終于在一張小沙發上一起坐了下來。她光著雙腳，穿著睡袍，昨夜的睫毛膏還沒有洗去，柔美的頭發因為睡覺被壓成了一個大漩渦。但她以前說過的一句話讓我覺得她這樣是在對我表示贊美和恭維。她說過：“朋友嘛，總能接受你真實的樣子。”和往常一樣，她臉色十分蒼白。她將手稿高高地在眼前舉起，認真地朗讀著，每一個短語都認真地聽著，以確保聽起來完全像她。

她將手稿留了下來，那天下午晚些時候我又去了一趟取手稿。在房子的臺階上，她指給我看她用鉛筆改過的地方，都是一些小改動。她要我刪掉一句話，那句話寫的是她悄悄地將錢塞給窮人。然后我們就告別了。就在我轉身離開時，她突然從后面叫住了我：“嗨，謝謝啦！”我轉回身看著她，只見她筆直地站著，不知怎地竟給人一種寂寥、落寞之感。我隨即想起早些時候她的反應，我問她在她被福克斯解雇之后，是否有許多朋友打電話給她鼓勵。她當時沉默良久，直挺挺地坐著，眼睛睜得大大的，一副受傷的樣子，以一種幾乎聽不到的聲音回答說：“沒有。”

1.radiantly [?re?di?ntli] adv.光芒四射地，燦爛地，容光煥發地

2.Brentwood：布倫特伍德，位于加利福尼亞州，是瑪麗蓮·夢露最后一棟豪宅的所在地，也是巨星們聚集居住之地。

3.slack [sl?k] n. 寬松的褲子（便裝的男褲或女褲）

4.solicitous [s??l?s?t?s] adj. 熱切期望的

5.nondescript [?n?nd?skr?pt] adj. 無可名狀的，難以區別的

6.nailhead [?ne?lhed] n. 釘頭

7.strike the blow：重擊，猛打

8.tumble [?t?mbl] vi. 滾滾流下，（胡亂地）翻滾

9.bravura [br??vj??r?] n.夸張的姿勢

10.wistfulness [?w?stf（?）ln?s] n. 充滿渴望

11.ruefulness [?ru?f（?）ln?s] n. 悲傷，可憐

12.turn [t??n] n. 特征，特色，（語句的）措辭特點

13.squeak [skwi?k] n. 短促而尖利的叫聲或響聲

14.by halves：半心半意地，不熱情地

15.nuance [?nju??ns] n. 細微之處，微妙之處

16.precarious [pr??ke?ri?s] adj. 不穩當的，不安全的

17.crank up：發動

18.Model T：1908年福特公司開發的一款經典車型，當時十分受歡迎。

19.Joe DiMaggio Jr.：小喬·狄馬喬，夢露第二任丈夫喬·狄馬喬的兒子

20.taunt [t??nt] vt. 嘲弄，奚落

21.resumption [r??z?mp?n] n. （停頓后的）重新開始，繼續進行

22.morose [m??r??s] adj. 郁悶的，乖僻的

23.electric [??lektr?k] adj. 高度刺激的，激動的

24.settle for：勉強接受（或認可）某事物

25.live with：容忍，忍受

26.glassed—in：四周用玻璃圍住的

27.fabled [?fe?bld] adj. 傳說中有名的

28.uproarious [?p?r??ri?s] adj. 喧囂的；喧鬧的

29.mope [m??p] vi. 抑郁不樂；顧影自憐

30.preen [pri?n] vi. 自我欣賞；沾沾自喜

31.stage fright： （演員上場前后的）怯場

32.mascara [m??skɑ?r?] n. 睫毛膏

33.forlorn [f??l??n] adj. 孤獨凄涼的

34.rally round：團結在……周圍，齊心協力（以應付危難、幫助某人）