惡作劇之禮

By+Nancy+Weber+譯/Shel

In my natal family, the holiest of holidays were April Fools, Valentines, Halloween, and the first night of Passover, in that order. To joke was to love, was to entertain, was to celebrate liberty. Pranking was not only allowed, it was encouraged. Maybe it was even mandatory. And there were rules. Tricking people wasnt supposed to be mean. The butt of your joke wasnt meant to feel like a jerk. Ideally the victim would be warmed and flattered by the attention.

Five oclock on a lovely early spring evening, my mother called me in from the backyard. She and my father were going out to dinner, she said, and she had my dinner ready at the kitchen table.

Pretty weird: No one, not even babies, dined at five in our family. But my mother had a happy, adoring look on her face, and I didnt think twice about going along with whatever she wanted me to do. I washed my hands and sat down at the table. I can see it perfectly across the years—the table festively set with a straw placemat, yellow cloth napkin, and a fork and knife from the dining room flatware.

With a flourish, my mother set a plate before me: two sunny-side-up eggs, a couple of strips of bacon, and a heap of bright peas and carrots. It wasnt the sort of food we ate for dinner—I think that was the year of Steak Diane. But my mother was calling it dinner, and so dinner it was. I stuck a fork into the yolk. Well, I tried to stick it in. Everything on the plate was candy. Thus, my first April Fools Day, and sheer perfection. My mother and I laughed and ate the marzipan veggies, and I felt very loved.

Less successful was the time my mother called me into the kitchen, said, “Nancy, Im angry at you”, and threw a drinking glass at my feet. It shattered on the floor, and I burst into hysterical tears. “No!” my mother wailed, gathering me into her arms. “It was a joke! Thats Libbys new bounce glass! It was supposed to pop right up like a tennis ball! Oh, baby girl, Im so sorry. Im going to write a letter to Libby and give them hell.”

Fast-forward to the next generation of family life. Elsewhere on this site, you may hear from my grown-up kids, Rose and Albert, about our patented version of the prank: the narf. I dont quite know how the word or the concept got introduced into our world when the kids were small. Maybe its an acronym for Not A Real Fact.

Our narf is a spoken prank. Its an attempt to get another family member to believe, if only for a second, a patent bit of nonsense that should defy credulity in even a half-awake, distracted person who is, say, busily making brownies.

“Theres a kangaroo in the bathroom.”

“Ive been short-listed for the Nobel!”

Rose and Albert are in their 20s now, and we still occasionally narf one another, or try to. How has narfing endured all these years when so much else has fallen away? I give credit to its having rules and protocols, like any meaningful game. For instance, narfing is nearly cruelty-free. Its not a narf to tell someone who loves you that youve been diagnosed with leprosy. If your narf misfires, and someones bullshit detector lights up, you immediately have to confess.

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Back to the natal family. For the last forty years or so, my younger brother and I have been so poised to be pranked by the other on April first, and a telephone call on the day would go like this.

“Hi. I was walking down...”

“April Fools!”

With the coming of caller ID, neither of us could even say“Hi” before being doubted by the other. So one recent year my brother April Fooled me the night before, and then claimed the holiday had started at sundown.

And yet, I was secretly glad that hed violated good form. I love being fooled, and its happening less and less. I just dont feel I can let my guard down these days.

Oh, bring back the springtime of candy carrots and peas.

在我出生成長的家庭里，最神圣的節(jié)日依次往下排就是愚人節(jié)、情人節(jié)、萬圣節(jié)和逾越節(jié)的第一個晚上。我們覺得惡作劇是一種愛的表達，是一種娛樂，也是一種對自由的慶祝。惡作劇不只是被允許的，它還是受大家推崇的，甚至可以說是非玩不可的。當然，惡作劇也是要講求規(guī)則的。戲弄他人時不能太卑鄙。你的玩笑并不是為了證明被你捉弄的人是個笨蛋。理想的惡作劇能讓被捉弄的人感到溫暖，感到被關注而開心。

那是一個美麗的早春，傍晚五點。媽媽把我從后院叫回家，對我說，她和爸爸要出去吃飯，我的晚飯她已經(jīng)準備好了，就在餐桌上。

真奇怪，我們家從來沒有在五點就吃晚飯的，連小寶寶們也不會這么早。但是媽媽一臉開心雀躍的樣子，我毫不猶豫地就照她說的去做了。我洗了手，然后坐在桌子前面。就算過了這么多年，當時的情景依舊歷歷在目：像過節(jié)似的，桌上鋪著一張草編餐墊、黃色的布餐巾，擺放著從套裝餐具里抽出來的刀叉。

媽媽端了一個裝著豐盛食物的盤子放到我面前：兩個荷包蛋、兩片培根肉片，還有一堆顏色鮮艷的豌豆和胡蘿卜。這些都不是我們平時晚飯吃的東西——那年的正餐我們流行吃“黛安牛排”。既然媽媽說這是晚餐，那這就是晚餐吧。我想用叉子叉住蛋黃。然而，怎么也叉不進去。原來，盤子里的所有東西都是糖果。這就是我的第一個愚人節(jié)，一切都完美極了。我和媽媽都笑了，并一起吃那些用杏仁蛋白糊做成的蔬菜。那一刻，我覺得溫暖極了。

不是每次惡作劇都這么成功。有一次，媽媽把我叫進廚房說，“南希，你惹媽媽生氣了”，緊接著把一個水杯摔到了我腳邊。杯子摔在地板上，碎了，我嚇了一跳，大哭了起來。媽媽也慌了，把我摟進懷里，難過地喊著：“不！那是個玩笑！那是利比最新的彈性玻璃杯！摔到地上應該像網(wǎng)球那樣彈起來的！噢，我的寶貝女兒，真對不起，我一定要寫信投訴他們，該死的。”

現(xiàn)在快進到我家庭生活中的下一代吧。你也許在別的什么地方聽我那兩個成年的孩子——羅絲和艾伯特，說起過我們的“專利”惡作劇“narf”。其實我也不清楚這個詞或者概念是怎么在孩子們還小的時候就出現(xiàn)在我們的生活中的。這個詞或許是“Not A Real Fact”（意為“是假的”）這個詞組的縮寫。

我們的“narf”是一種口頭上的惡作劇，就是嘗試讓另一個家庭成員去相信一些胡說八道的東西，哪怕只是蒙騙了對方一秒鐘也算成功了。即使當時對方正半夢半醒，或者正在分心做其他事情，如正在忙碌地做著帶堅果的巧克力蛋糕。

“洗手間有只袋鼠。”

“我已經(jīng)入選諾貝爾獎了！”

羅絲和艾伯特如今都已經(jīng)20多歲了，但是我們還是會偶爾相互玩一下“narf”，倒不是每次都成功。當那么多種惡作劇都慢慢地被大家玩膩了時，“narf”這個惡作劇為何還能如此經(jīng)久不衰呢？我覺得這可能歸功于這個惡作劇具備的規(guī)則和禮節(jié)，就跟任何有意義的游戲一樣。舉個例子，“narf”惡作劇幾乎不會傷害到人，它不是那種跟愛你的人說你被診斷出得了麻風病的謊話。而且，當你的“narf”把戲失敗了，對方開始有所警覺時，你就要立刻坦白承認。

再回到我長大的家里。在過去的40多年里，我和弟弟已經(jīng)練就了一身鎮(zhèn)定自若的本領來應對彼此的愚人節(jié)惡作劇，我們有時候會在電話里玩這樣的惡作劇：

“嗨，我那天走在……”

“愚人節(jié)快樂！”

后來有了來電顯示，結果我們連那句“嗨”也給省了，一看號碼就頓時警覺起來。所以最近有一年，弟弟在愚人節(jié)前一天晚上就來捉弄我了，還振振有詞地說3月31日太陽下山后就是愚人節(jié)了。

然而，即使弟弟這般“暗箭傷人”，可我還是會偷著樂。我喜歡被捉弄，雖然發(fā)生在我身上的惡作劇已經(jīng)越來越少，但這些年來，我那根弦始終繃著，不敢放松警惕。

哦，讓那些充滿胡蘿卜糖和豌豆糖的美好春日時光回來吧。

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