如何斷定你的狗狗愛上了你

How to Verify that Your Pet Dog Has Fallen Love with You

1. Cries hysterically①when you arrive home. No matter how long you’ve been away.

2. Licks your face frantically②. No it’s not gross and unhygienic， it’s ridiculously sweet and probably just as exfoliating as a cat’s tongue， actually.

3 . J umps on you， possibly in a full body slam . The excitement is why you’ve got those bruises. Love m arks， as I call them .

4 . T a k es y o ur knickers/socks/shoes onto the bed with them . My dog will take any garm ent③ of m ine that she can， just to be near m e.

5. J umps up begging to be held. No， my dog is not a performing genius， she just sometimes sees how far away my lickable face is， and demands to be carried.

6. Chases the ball you throw in the park. The dog is an intelligent， complex animal. It cares not for a rubber ball. It would much rather enjoy the autumnal④leav es and the bracing air， but indulges⑤ your odd fetish for throwing tennis balls because it loves you.

7. Tries to get in the bath with you. This one might just be my dog though...

8. Wakes you up. Your mutt wants you to get to work on time. They’ve been up all night， staring at the clock， anxiously wondering when they should nudge you.

9. Smiles at you. No， I’m not mad. Y es， my dog definitely smiles at me. Why wouldn’t she？ I’m delightful.

10. V ets your dates. If you’re undecided about a new love interest， int roduce t hem t o your canine companion. There is no faster way to tell if a person is good enough for you.

11. Snuggles as close as possible to you. Even if you’re doing a tricky yoga position on the floor， or trying to write a piece on deadline （like right now）.

12. Sits on your knee. At dinner parties， while working， when watching TV. My dog demands to be picked up， and placed on my knees， from where she surveys the scene （or waits for food）.

13. Waits at the window when they sense that you’re coming home. Looking forlornly out， as though waiting for a lover to come home from sea. Even your real lover doesn’t do that.

14. Gets jealous. Dogs get jealous of anything you pay attention to： humans； other dogs； the cat nemesis next door. They want all of you， and will remind you of this constantly.

15. Eats anything off the floor.

\"Look， I’m helping you tidy！\"

16. Is protective of you. This one is obvious， unless your dog is a pug or a chihuahua， in which case it’s sweet， but also embarrassing in front of men with staffies （see above）.

1.當(dāng)你到家的時(shí)候歇斯底里地大叫。不管你離開多久。

2. 熱情地舔你的臉。其實(shí)，這一點(diǎn)兒也不臟，一點(diǎn)兒也不粗魯。相反狗狗舔你的臉時(shí)，帶著濃濃的甜蜜。而且，有可能還能去角質(zhì)呢，就像貓的舌頭一樣。

3. 跳到你身上。因此你身上有了些擦傷，但這也恰恰是樂趣所在。我把這稱之為“愛的記號(hào)”。

4. 跑到你床上，并且把你的內(nèi)褲、襪子和鞋子一起帶上去。我的狗狗會(huì)把任何它能帶的衣服帶上床，就是為了能親近我，就像靠著我一樣。

5. 跳起來求抱抱。不，我的狗并不擅長(zhǎng)表演。她只是有時(shí)候想舔舔我的臉，但是夠不著。她希望我能隨身帶著她。

6. 追你扔的球。狗是一種聰明、心思細(xì)密的動(dòng)物。它在乎的并不是橡皮球。它其實(shí)更樂意享受秋天的落葉和令人心曠神怡的空氣。它之所以如此樂此不疲地陪你玩扔網(wǎng)球這個(gè)奇怪的游戲，是因?yàn)樗鼝勰恪?/p>

7. 試著和你一起洗澡。這一點(diǎn)估計(jì)只有我的狗會(huì)這樣。

8. 叫你起床。你的狗希望你能按時(shí)上班。它們一整晚都醒著，盯著鬧鐘，緊張兮兮，想知道什么時(shí)候把你推醒。

9.對(duì)著你微笑。我并不是在胡說。我的狗的確會(huì)對(duì)我微笑。它為什么不會(huì)呢？我很高興。

10.監(jiān)視你約會(huì)。如果你不確定新的戀人是否合適，那么就把他介紹給你的伙伴：狗。這樣你會(huì)最快知道，這個(gè)人對(duì)你是否足夠好。

11.緊緊地依偎著你。即使你正在地板上做著高難度的瑜伽動(dòng)作，或者正在趕著寫文章。

12.坐在你的膝蓋上。在宴會(huì)上，在你工作的時(shí)候，當(dāng)你看電視的時(shí)候，坐在你的膝蓋上。我的狗會(huì)在等食物的地方，要求我抱起它，把它放在我的膝蓋上。

13.當(dāng)它們察覺你回到家的時(shí)候，在窗前等著你。焦急地盼望著，就像等待從海邊歸來的愛人?；蛟S你真正的愛人也做不到。

14.心生嫉妒。狗會(huì)嫉妒一切你關(guān)注的東西：人類，其他狗，視之為敵的隔壁人家的貓。它們希望你全部都屬于它，并且會(huì)不斷提醒你這一點(diǎn)。

15.把掉在地上的東西吃光?！翱?，我?guī)湍愦驋咝l(wèi)生呢！”

16.保護(hù)你。這一點(diǎn)是顯而易見的。除非，你的狗是一只哈巴狗或者吉娃娃，看上去甜美可愛。這時(shí)候如果是在一個(gè)帶著斗牛梗的男人面前談你的狗能夠保護(hù)你，似乎會(huì)有點(diǎn)顯得尷尬。