做個行動家，而非夢想家

This is weird， me giving a speech. In general， I do not like giving speeches. Giving a speech requires standing in front of large groups of people while they look at you and it also requires talking. I can do the standing part OK. But the you looking and the me talking， I am not a fan. I get this overwhelming feeling of fear， terror， really.

But I’m here. I am gonna do it. I’m doing it. You know why？ Because I like a challenge. And because， 20-plus years ago when I was trudging uphill from the River Cluster through all that snow to get to the Hop1） for play rehearsal， I never imagined that I would one day be standing here， at the Old Pine lectern， staring out at all of you， about to throw down some wisdom in the Dartmouth Commencement address.

When people give these kinds of speeches， they usually tell you all kinds of wise and heartfelt things. They have wisdom to impart2）. They have lessons to share. They tell you： Follow your dreams； listen to your spirit； change the world； embrace failure； dream， dream and dream big. As a matter of fact， dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.

I think that’s crap. I think a lot of people dream. And while they are busy dreaming， the really happy people， the really successful people， are busy doing. The dreamers， they stare at the sky and they make plans and they hope and they talk about it endlessly. And they start a lot of sentences with “I want to be” or “I wish.” “I want to be a writer.” “I wish I could travel around the world.”

Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams， fleeting， ephemeral3）， pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen.

So， lesson one， I guess is： Ditch4） the dream and be a doer， not a dreamer. Maybe you know exactly what it is you dream of being， or maybe you’re paralyzed because you have no idea what your passion is. The truth is it doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something， seizing the next opportunity， staying open to trying something new. Just do. So you think， “I wish I could travel.” Great， sell your crappy car， buy a ticket to Bangkok， and go right now. I’m serious.

I did not dream of being a TV writer. Never， not once when I was here in the hallowed halls of the Ivy League， did I say to myself， “Self， I want to write TV.”

You know what I wanted to be？ I wanted to be Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison. That was my dream. I blue-skyed5） it like crazy. I dreamed and dreamed. And while I was dreaming， I was living in my sister’s basement. Dreamers often end up living in the basements of relatives， FYI. So one day I was sitting in that basement and I read an article that said—it was in The New York Times—and it said it was harder to get into USC Film School than it was to get into Harvard Law School. And I thought I could dream about being Toni Morrison， or I could do.

At film school， I discovered an entirely new way of telling stories， a way that suited me， a way that brought me joy， a way that flipped this switch in my brain and changed the way I saw the world. Years later， I had dinner with Toni Morrison. And all she wanted to talk about was Grey’s Anatomy. That never would have happened if I hadn’t stopped dreaming of becoming her and gotten busy becoming myself.

Lesson two is that tomorrow is going to be the worst day ever for you.

When I graduated from Dartmouth that day in 1991， when I was sitting right where you are and I was staring up at Elizabeth Dole6） speaking， I will admit that I have no idea what she was saying， couldn’t even listen to her. Not because I was overwhelmed or emotional or any of that， but because I had a serious hangover. And the reason I’d been so drunk the night before was because I knew that after graduation， I was going to take off my cap and gown， my parents were going to pack my stuff in the car and I was going to go home and probably never come back to hangover again.

On my graduation day， I was grieving.

The thing I really felt like I knew was that the real world sucks. And it is scary. College is awesome. You’re special here. You’re in the Ivy League； you are at the pinnacle7） of your life’s goals at this point. Your entire life up until now has been about getting into some great college and then graduating from that college. And now， today， you have done it. The moment you get out of college， you think you are going to take the world by storm8）. All doors will be opened to you. It’s going to be laughter and diamonds and soirees9） left and right10）.

What really happens is that， to the rest of the world， you are now at the bottom of the heap11）. Maybe you’re an intern， possibly a low-paid assistant. And it is awful. The real world， it sucked so badly for me. I felt like a loser all of the time. And more than a loser， I felt lost， which brings me to clarify lesson number two.

Tomorrow is going to be the worst day ever for you. But don’t be an asshole.

Here’s the thing. Yes， it is hard out there. But hard is relative. I come from a middle-class family； my parents are academics； I was born after the civil rights movement； I was a toddler during the women’s movement； I live in the United States of America， all of which means I’m allowed to own my freedom， my rights， and my voice. And I went to Dartmouth and I earned an Ivy League degree.

So yes， tomorrow may suck for you—as it did for me. But have some perspective. We are incredibly lucky. We have been given a gift. An incredible education has been placed before us. Now it’s time to pay it forward.

Lesson number three. So you’re out there， and you’re giving back and you’re doing， and it’s working. And life is good. You are making it. You’re a success. And it’s exciting and it’s great. At least it is for me. I love my life. I have three TV shows at work and I have three daughters at home. And it’s all amazing， and I am truly happy. And people are constantly asking me， how do you do it？ And usually， they have this sort of admiring and amazed tone. Shonda， how do you do it all？ Like I’m full of magical magic and special wisdom or something.

Shonda， how do you do it all？ The answer is this： I don’t. Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life， that almost certainly means I am failing in another area of my life.

If I am killing it on a Scandal script for work， I am probably missing bath and story time at home. If I am at home sewing my kids’ Halloween costumes， I’m probably blowing off a rewrite I was supposed to turn in. If I am accepting a prestigious award， I am missing my baby’s first swim lesson. If I am at my daughter’s debut in her school musical， I am missing Sandra Oh12）’s last scene ever being filmed at Grey’s Anatomy. If I am succeeding at one， I am inevitably failing at the other. That is the tradeoff. You never feel a hundred percent OK. Something is always lost. Something is always missing.

So lesson number three is that anyone who tells you they are doing it all perfectly is a liar.

OK. I fear I’ve scared you or been a little bit bleak， and that was not my intention. My point， I think， is that it is OK if you don’t. My point is that it can be scary to graduate， that every day you can feel like you might be failing at work or at your home life， that the real world is hard.

And yet， you can still wake up every single morning and go， “I have three amazing kids and I have created work I am proud of， and I absolutely love my life and I would not trade it for anyone else’s life ever.” You can still wake up one day and find yourself living a life you never even imagined dreaming of. My dreams did not come true. But I worked really hard. And I ended up building an empire out of my imagination. So my dreams can suck it. You can wake up one day and find that you are interesting and powerful and engaged. You can wake up one day and find that you are a doer.

So be brave. Be amazing. Be worthy. And every single time you get a chance？ Stand up in front of people. Let them see you. Speak. Be heard. And this is really the only lesson you’ll ever need to know. You take it in. You breathe this rare air. You feel alive. You be yourself. You truly finally always be yourself.

我來做演講這事挺奇怪的。我通常不喜歡演講，因為演講需要站在一大群人面前，被他們盯著看，還得說話。站在大家面前對我來說沒問題，但我不喜歡被你們盯著說話。害怕和恐懼的感覺讓我受不了，真的。

但我來了。我要做這個演講。我正在做。知道為什么嗎？因為我想挑戰一下。因為20多年前，當我從River Cluster宿舍區一路上坡，艱難跋涉，穿過厚厚的積雪來到霍普金斯藝術中心排練話劇時，我決想不到有一天會站在這里，站在“老松樹”講臺，看著你們所有人，要在這個達特茅斯畢業演講中向你們播撒智慧。

人們在做這類演講時，通常會告訴你們各種各樣充滿智慧、發自肺腑的話。他們有智慧可以傳授，有經驗可以分享。他們告訴你：追尋你的夢想；聽從精神的召喚；改變世界；坦然接受失敗；要有夢想，有遠大的夢想。事實上，要心懷夢想，一直夢想，直到你所有的夢想都實現。

我覺得這都是胡扯。我想很多人都心懷夢想。當這些人忙著做夢時，那些真正幸福的人，真正成功的人，他們在忙著行動。夢想家們凝視天空，制定計劃，滿懷希望，沒完沒了地談論他們的夢想。他們說話時一張嘴就是“我想成為”或“我希望”。“我想成為一名作家。”“我希望能環游世界。”

夢想是美好的，但也僅僅是夢想，轉瞬即逝，曇花一現，華而不實。夢想不會僅僅因為你做夢就能實現，只有努力工作才能使之成為現實。

所以，我想，第一條經驗是放棄做夢，做個行動家，而不是夢想家。也許你清楚地知道自己想成為什么，也許你因為不知道自己的激情所在而無法行動。事實上這不重要，你沒必要知道。你只要一直勇往直前就好，只要堅持做一件事，抓住下一個機會，敞開胸懷去嘗試新事物就好。你只需行動。如果你想：“我希望可以去旅行。”好極了，那就賣掉你的破車，買一張去曼谷的機票，現在就出發。我是說真的。

我沒有夢想過成為一名電視編劇。當我在這所常春藤大學神圣的殿堂里學習時，我從來沒有對自己說過：“本人想寫電視劇本。”一次也沒有。

你們知道我當時想成為什么嗎？我想成為諾貝爾獎獲獎作家托妮·莫里森。那是我當初的夢想。我發瘋一樣地做著這個不切實際的夢。我一直夢想著，夢想著。在這樣做夢的時候，我住在姐姐家的地下室里——夢想家的下場通常都是住在親戚家的地下室里，供你們參考。有一天，當我坐在那個地下室時，我讀到一篇文章——是《紐約時報》上的一篇文章——文中寫道南加州大學的電影學院比哈佛大學法學院還要難進。于是我想，我可以夢想成為托妮·莫里森，或者我可以行動起來。

在電影學院，我發現了一種全新的敘事方式，一種適合我的方式。它給我帶來了快樂，開啟了我大腦中的開關，改變了我看待世界的方式。若干年后，我與托妮·莫里森共進晚餐，而她只想跟我談論《實習醫生格蕾》。若不是我當初放棄了成為她的夢想，為做自己而開始忙碌，這是永遠不會發生的。

第二條經驗是，明天對你們來說將是最糟糕的一天。

1991年的那一天，當我從達特茅斯畢業時，我就坐在你們現在的位置，盯著伊麗莎白·多爾，聽她演講。我承認我完全不知道她在說什么，甚至都沒法聽她說話。這并不是因為我興奮過頭或是情緒激動什么的，而是因為嚴重的宿醉。前一天晚上之所以喝了那么多，是因為我知道畢業后我就要摘下學位帽、脫下學位服，父母就要把我的東西收拾好裝進車里，我就要回家了，可能再也不會回來宿醉了。

畢業那天，我非常悲傷。

那時我覺得自己真正知道的就是現實世界糟透了，讓人害怕。大學很棒，在這里，你是與眾不同的。你身在常春藤大學，此時正處于人生目標的頂點。到目前為止，你的整個人生都圍繞著進入一所好大學并從那所大學畢業而展開。此時此刻，你已經做到了。邁出大學校門的那一刻，你以為自己會征服世界。所有的大門都會向你敞開，環繞你周圍的將是歡聲笑語、鉆石首飾、聚會狂歡。

而現實情況是，對外面的世界來說，你正處于社會最底層。你也許是一名實習生，也許是一名拿著低薪的助理。那感覺糟透了。現實世界對我來說真是糟得一塌糊涂。我無時無刻不覺得自己是個失敗者。除此之外，我還感覺迷茫，由此我要更清楚地說明一下第二條經驗。

明天對你們來說將是最糟糕的一天，但不要自暴自棄。

實際情況是這樣的：的確，外面的世界很艱難，但艱難是相比較而言的。我來自一個中產階級家庭，父母都是學者，我出生在民權運動之后，我蹣跚學步時女權運動發生了，我住在美國。所有這些意味著我得以擁有自由、權利以及自己的觀點。我進了達特茅斯學院讀書，拿到了常春藤盟校的學位。

是的，明天對你們來說可能很糟——就像當初對我一樣。但把眼光放長遠一點吧。我們其實極為幸運。我們已經得到了恩賜。我們接受了極好的教育。現在是時候把這份恩賜傳遞出去了。

下面是第三條經驗。你走出校園，開始奉獻，開始行動，一切進展都不錯。生活很美好，你達成了目標，收獲了成功。這令人興奮，感覺好極了。至少對我來說是這樣。我愛我的生活。我手頭有三部電視劇，家里還有三個女兒。一切都很美妙，我真的很幸福。總是有人問我：你是怎么做到的？他們通常會用一種欽佩和驚嘆的語氣問我。珊達，你是怎么做到全盤兼顧的？好像我渾身充滿魔力和特別的智慧之類的東西。

珊達，你是怎么做到全盤兼顧的？回答如下：我做不到。每當你們在某個地方看到我在人生的某個方面成功時，那幾乎一定意味著我人生的另一個方面正遭受著失敗。

如果我在工作中把《丑聞》劇本寫成功了，那我可能就錯失了在家給孩子們洗澡和講故事的機會；如果我在家里縫制孩子們的萬圣節服裝，我可能就沒法重寫本該上交的劇本；如果我在接受一項有聲望的大獎頒獎，那就錯過了孩子的第一次游泳課；如果我在觀看女兒在學校音樂劇中的首場演出，就錯過了吳珊卓在《實習醫生格蕾》中拍攝的最后一場戲。如果我在一方面成功，那就不可避免地在另一方面失敗。這就是代價。你永遠不會覺得百分百完美。你總會失去某些東西，錯過某些東西。

所以第三條經驗就是，任何跟你說他們可以完美地全盤兼顧的人都是騙子。

好吧，我擔心自己嚇到你們了，或是有些悲觀了，但這不是我的本意。我想我要說的是，如果你們做不到也沒關系。我想說的是，畢業可能會讓你覺得可怕，每一天你都會覺得自己可能會在工作或家庭生活中失敗，現實世界很艱難。

但即便如此，你仍然可以每天早上醒來時說：“我有三個很棒的孩子，創作出了自己引以為豪的作品。我非常熱愛我的生活，永遠也不會拿它與別人的生活交換。”你仍然可能在某天早上醒來時發現自己正過著一種此前從未想象過的生活。我的夢想沒有實現，但我工作非常努力。最終我通過自己的想象建造了一個帝國。所以我的夢想可以滾到一邊了。你可以在某天早上醒來時發現自己是一個有趣、有能力又有所忙碌的人。你可以在某天早上醒來時發現自己是個行動派。

所以，勇敢點，綻放光彩，做個有價值的人。每次獲得機會時怎么辦？站到人群的前面，讓大家看到你。說話，讓大家聽到你。這真的是你需要知道的唯一一條經驗。領會它，把握這難得的一切，感受真正活著的滋味。做你自己吧，真正地永遠做你自己。