高個子的煩惱

By Mark Mason

W hy dont tall people get the same sympathy as short people？ Everyone feels sorry for minnows， cutting them slack when they talk loudly in meetings or get themselves elected Speaker of the House of Commons.1 But tall people are seen as lifes victors； the ones you want to be， the ones who get everything their own way. It just isnt the case.

Im not actually that tall—6ft 1in2—but even I encounter problems. Cash points3 are too low， hotel beds are too short， train seats dont have enough leg room. In the days of phone boxes， I spent every call hunched over4. I regularly have to bend at the knees to use mirrors， and am sometimes forced to take showers kneeling down， because the head hasnt been fixed high enough up the wall. Whats that you say？ Have a bath instead？ I would—if that wasnt too short as well. Its a choice between sitting bolt upright or resting my feet against the tiles somewhere near the ceiling.5

It was only when talking to a friend whos 6ft 6in that I realized just how troublesome clothing can be. All Ive ever had to do is buy shirts with extra-long sleeves， but Rob has an extra problem with casual shirts. “They all expose my navel6 when I stretch. And not in a winsome7， sexy way.” Trousers are a nightmare. My inside leg8 is 34 inches， Robs is 36， and apparently those extra two inches make all the difference. Rob once walked into a tailors on Jermyn Street and asked if they had anything to fit him. “The bloke9 held up a tie.”

Its even worse for women. “Theres a shop called Long Tall Sally that every tall woman goes to once，” says my friend Emma （6ft）. “Youre desperately hoping youll find a pair of trousers that go all the way down to your shoes. The customers lurk between the rails of polyester stretch， taking furtive glances at each other，10 all thinking：‘Well at least Im not that tall.” Emmas amazed at peoples attitudes when they meet her. “They think its perfectly fine to say， ‘God youre tall， do you find it difficult to get shoes？” Imagine if I said to a fat stranger，‘Do you find it difficult to get clothes？”

Then theres the matter of relationships. How often do you see a woman with a man shorter than her？ Theres the odd exception—the ex-Mrs Bernie Ecclestone， for instance—but for whatever reason it seems to be a nono.11 Germaine Greer12 （6ft） says she never learned to dance backwards because she always had to take the male role. Some tall women （and indeed men） hunch their shoulders in an attempt to hide their height. The habit never goes away， no matter how successful you become.

Tall poppy syndrome13， of course， thats what they call it. Rosamund Beattie （6ft 4in）， a member of the Tall Persons Club of London—not a joke， they really do find life difficult—says its like being famous but without the money. The clubs website relates that tall children are disproportionately likely to be bullied at school.14 Roughly half the members of Tall Persons Club are women. Its even worse for tall girls and women. The taller woman will sometimes find herself discriminated against in the job market because of the 5ft 8in male bosss fragile ego.

There can also be health problems. Even if the “averagely tall” like me dont suffer health issues， we do encounter regular irritations. The glass shelves that stand above bars in many pubs—I can only order my round15 by squatting slightly. Someone my height could never work behind that bar： theyd be in agony after the first shift.16

Yes， I know all this is going to sound rich to someone of below average height. “Ill swap17 places with you，” theyll be saying. Fair enough. On balance Id rather be 6ft 1in than 5ft 5in. But its still true that， as so often， a supposedly desirable outcome in life is slightly less desirable than you might think. Before you look at a tall person and say you wish you were them， walk a mile in their shoes. Assuming theyve been able to find any.

1. minnow： 微不足道的人，此處指矮個子的人；cut sb. slack： 給（某人）方便，對（某人）網開一面，slack是松弛的意思；House of Commons：（英國或加拿大議會中的）下議院，眾議院。

2. 6ft 1in： 6 feet 1 inch，6英尺1英寸，約等于1.85米。

3. cash point： 自動提款機。

4. hunch over： 彎腰駝背。

5.要么在浴缸里坐直身子，要么就得把腳伸到離天花板不遠的某片瓷磚上。bolt upright： 筆直地；tile： 瓷磚。

6. navel： 肚臍。

7. winsome： 惹人喜愛的，迷人的。

8. inside leg： 內側褲長。

9. bloke： 人，家伙。

10. lurk： 偷偷地行動；rail： 掛衣桿； polyester：聚酯纖維，滌綸；stretch： 伸展性，彈性，這里指彈性好的衣服；furtive： 偷偷摸摸的。

11. Bernie Ecclestone： 伯尼·埃克萊斯頓（1930— ），英國富豪，一級方程式（Formula One）掌門人，人稱“F1教父”，一個把F1賽事發展為一項與世界杯并駕齊驅的頂級國際大賽的商業奇才，身高為1.65米，ex-Mrs Bernie Ecclestone，即埃克萊斯頓的第一任妻子，克羅地亞名模，兩人的婚姻維系了25年；no-no： 禁忌。

12. Germaine Greer： 杰梅茵·格里爾（1939— ），生于澳大利亞，著名的女權主義作家。

13. tall poppy syndrome： 高大罌粟花綜合癥，是澳大利亞和新西蘭的一個流行用語，用來形容一種在社群文化中集體地對某類人的批判態度。當一個人在社會上達到某種程度上的成功時，會惹來社群中不約而同的、自發性的、集體性的批評。

14. disproportionately： 不相稱地，太大地；bully： 欺負，霸凌。

15. round：（給群體中每個人的）一杯飲料。

16. 所以像我這種身高的人不能在吧臺工作，輪完一次崗簡直痛苦至極。agony： 痛苦，煎熬。

17. swap： 交換。