My Mom Only Had One Eye媽媽只有一只眼睛

許書明

My mom only had one eye. I hated her. She was such an embarrassment1.

She ran a small shop at a flea market2 and collected old clothes and some other things to sell for the money we needed. Once during elementary school， it was field day， and my mom came. I was so embarrassed and wondered how could she do this to me？ I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school， my schoolmates asked me， “Your mom only has one eye？！” and taunted3 me.

I was so angry with my mom and wished that she would just disappear from this world. So I said to my mom， “Why don’t you have the other eye？！ If you’re only gonna make me a laughingstock4！” My mom did not respond， I guess I felt a little bad， but at the same time， I felt so good to have had said what I wanted to say. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me， I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

For the words I had said to her earlier， there was something pinching5 at me in the corner of my heart. Even so， I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty. I told myself that I would become successful in the near future， so I studied very hard. Later I got accepted by the Seoul University， I left my mother and came to Seoul to study. Then I got married there.

I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids， too. Now I am living happily as a successful man. I enjoy the life in Seoul because it’s a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom and my past. This kind of happiness was getting bigger and bigger， until one day someone knocked at my door. It was my mom！ And still with her one eye！ It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away， scared of my mom’s eye.

I screamed at her， “Who are you？ I don’t know you！ How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter！” To this， my mom quietly answered， “Oh， I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address，” and she disappeared out of sight.

One day， a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. Lying to my wife that I was going on a business trip， I went back to participate in the reunion. After the reunion， I went down to the old shack6， which I used to call a house， just out of curiosity7. There I found my mom fallen on the cold ground. I did not shed a single tear.

Then a piece of paper in her hand came into my eyes. It was a letter to me.

My son，

I think my life has been long enough now， and I won’t visit Seoul anymore. But would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come to visit me once in a while？ I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school… for you. I’m so sorry that I only have one eye， and I was an embarrassment for you.

You see， when you were very little， you got into an accident and lost your eye. As a mom， I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son to see a whole new world for me with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. During the couple of times that you were angry with me， I thought to myself， it’s because he loves me.

My son… oh， my son…

Don’t cry for me because of my death. I love you so much.

我的媽媽只有一只眼，我討厭她，她是那樣地令我難堪。

她在一個跳蚤市場經營一家小店，回收舊衣服和其他物品出售以補貼家用。在我上小學期間，有一個戶外活動日，我媽媽突然來了。當時羞得我無地自容，沒想到她居然這樣對我！我向她投去厭惡的目光，然后跑開了。第二天在學校，同學們問我：“你媽媽只有一只眼睛啊？！”語氣中帶著嘲諷。

我對媽媽非常生氣，真想她從我的眼前消失。我對媽媽說：“你為什么只有一只眼？！你是不是就想讓我成為笑柄！”媽媽沒有理我。我覺得有點兒自責，但同時又為自己能把心里話說出來而自得。也許是因為媽媽沒有因此懲罰我，我認為自己并沒有真正傷她的心。

對于早些時候對她所說的話，我的心靈深處還是隱隱作痛。即便如此，我還是痛恨只有一只眼睛的媽媽，以及我們那一貧如洗的家庭。我暗下決心，不久的將來一定要成功，因此，我拼命學習后來考上了首爾大學，離開媽媽，來到首爾讀書，之后還在首爾成了家。

我買了一套自己的房子，還有了孩子，現在我作為一個成功的男人正過著幸福的生活。我喜歡在首爾的生活，因為在這里，我不會想起媽媽和以前的日子。這種幸福感正變得越來越強，直到有一天，有人敲響我家的門。我打開門，是媽媽！還是只有一只眼！我當時就覺得這天要塌下來似的。我的小女兒立即跑開了，她怕我媽媽的一只眼。

我朝她吼道：“你是誰？我不認識你！你怎么敢來我家嚇唬我女兒！”聽到這些，媽媽平靜地回答道：“哦，對不起。我也許記錯了地址。”說完，她就走了。

一天，家里收到一封關于學校聚會的信。我向妻子謊稱去出差，返回學校參加了聚會。聚會結束，出于好奇，我來到了那間老棚屋，我過去的家。在那里，我發現媽媽倒在冰冷的地上。我沒有流一滴眼淚。

這時，媽媽手上的一張紙映入我的眼簾。那是一封寫給我的信。

孩子，

我想我活得夠久了，我再也不會去首爾了，我想要你抽空來看望我一下，也不太過分吧？我太想你了，當我聽說你來參加聚會，我真是太高興了……不過為了你，我不打算去學校了。我只有一只眼睛，真是太抱歉了，我讓你難堪了。

你很小的時候，一次事故使你失去了一只眼睛。作為母親，我不忍心你長大了只有一只眼睛。因此我把我的一只眼睛給了你。兒子能夠用那只眼睛替我看到全新的世界，我真是由衷地自豪。對于你做過的那些事情，我從不怪你。好幾次你生我的氣，我都對自己說，那是因為你愛我。

兒子……哦，我的兒子……

不要為我的死而哭啼。我太愛你了。