25歲方成年

My 22-year-old daughter， Emma， waved goodbye to her college campus last spring and walked into1） a job this fall. Given the still-tepid2） state of the economy and all the stories—in the news and from friends—about recent graduates who can’t find work， you might well imagine that my husband and I are thrilled. And we are. Sort of.

Emma’s job is a good one， and she is lucky to have it. She is an editorial assistant at a well-respected magazine. But it is the kind of job that countless millennials are landing these days： part-time， low paying， with no benefits.

So， after we spent nearly a quarter of a million dollars on her college education， one thing has become clear： Our investment in our daughter’s future is far from over.

We are hardly alone： Across America， 25 is the new 21.

In his recently published book， Age of Opportunity， Temple University psychologist Laurence Steinberg reports that today’s 25-year-olds are 50 percent more likely to be receiving financial assistance from Mom and Dad than the 25-year-olds of their parents’ generation.

For twentysomethings， this is just one part of a larger phenomenon that is also marked by a growing propensity3） to stay in school and remain unmarried for much longer than prior generations. Adolescence， according to Steinberg， now stretches over a 15-year span， beginning at age 10 and ending around 25; that’s more than twice as long as during the 1950s. This may not be a bad thing. Steinberg’s research suggests that putting off adulthood can have certain benefits in terms of brain development and mental health.

For the parents of twentysomethings， though， this delay often comes at a decided4） cost. Take our family， for instance： Emma is earning $12 an hour at a 30-hour-a-week job. Her take-home pay5）， after taxes， is $1，235 a month. Meanwhile， her total monthly expenses hover around $2，000. This includes the cost of a basement room she’s renting for $500， food， clothing， gas and maintenance on her car， entertainment， and incidentals6）.

The only reason that she’s not falling into debt is because my husband and I help her financially. We provide $200 in cash each month， as well as covering her car insurance and cellphone （she’s on the family plan）， and occasionally I take her clothes shopping and spring for7） a haircut and mani-pedi8）. We also pay her student loans， as it was always part of our financial planning that my husband and I would pay for her college education.

Emma also remains on our family’s health insurance， and probably will until she turns 26， as the Affordable Care Act9） allows. What’s more， her grandparents are pitching in10）， too. My mother has decided to give Emma an additional $300 a month for a full year as a graduation gift， with an eye on helping her get settled in life. Her father’s parents bought her a used Honda so she wouldn’t face a monthly car payment.

Whether we’re doing too much or too little for Emma is a source of constant conversation in our house. Is this just another form of over-involvement in a kid’s life， a monetary form of helicopter parenting？ How long should our support continue？ When does a financial lifeline become a crutch11）？ My husband likes to joke that Emma needs to get ready. “One day，” he says， “we will end welfare as we know it.”

Other parents are navigating the same tricky12） terrain. Many are reluctant to talk about it， at least with their names attached. In the half-dozen interviews I conducted for this story， every person I talked to requested anonymity for fear that their kids would look unprofessional or feel embarrassed. Even as it becomes more common for parents to help their adult children pay their bills， talking about money still remains a taboo.

“We have a cultural stereotype about these kids being slackers，” Steinberg told me. “But we don’t see any evidence of that.”

A close friend of mine has three children： a 24-year-old， a 22-year-old who graduated last year， and one more still in school. She says she and her husband made a conscious decision to help support all three until they hit 25.

Why 25？ “I feel that when you are 25， you are an adult and being financially dependent after that is just not healthy，” she says. “I think it is our role as parents to apply some pressure toward independence. The reality is， we are not going to let our kids starve. But telling them we are not going to help after 25 is turning the flames up a lot.”

In the meantime， my friend’s oldest child is getting help with her rent in New York City， her health insurance， her cellphone， Netflix13）， and other incidentals while she studies fine art. Her middle child has been working at a part-time job and living at home.

“We keep telling our kids that financial independence is the goal，” she says. “But we wanted to give them a safety net so they could practice it.”

Even kids with good jobs and no student loans to worry about are getting help from Mom and Dad. Another friend， whose 23-year-old works for a wealth management firm and earns a mid-five-figure salary， says she and her husband still pay their daughter’s car and health insurance and have kept her on the family’s cell phone plan.

“She makes a good salary， but rent and expenses are high，” the mom says， adding that her daughter’s job requires that she look professional. “She has to dress well， get her nails done， and drive a reasonably nice car.”

“I hardly know anyone who is not receiving some kind of financial support，” a 26-year-old friend told me. “Whether it is health insurance， their cell phone bill， or even full rent being paid or tuition for graduate school， pretty much everyone I know gets help.”

“It just seems like a fact of life14），” he says. “Entry-level jobs these days—unless they are in engineering or finance—don’t cover your basic needs.”

“It’s only natural for people to compare their kids to what they were like when they were that age，” Steinberg said. “But what you have to remember is that times have changed. Parents need to resist the temptation to say， ‘When I was your age， I had a job and I took care of myself.’ That is not relevant now. We do not live in the same world.”

In the end， what is most important is not that someone fresh out of school， or even a few years out of school， has achieved financial independence. What matters is that they are on the path to independence. If our daughter was at home all day， goofing around15）， my husband and I would be far less inclined to lend a hand. But the job that Emma now has promises to give her valuable experience in a field she’s interested in.

And it may well advance her “real” job prospects—and her independence—down the line. We’re confident that one day she’ll get there， whether that comes at 23. Or 25. Or 25-ish.

1. walk into：輕松獲得（工作）

2. tepid [?tep?d] adj. 不熱情的，不熱烈的

3. propensity [pr??pens?ti] n. 傾向

4. decided [d??sa?d?d] adj. 確實無疑的;明白無誤的;明顯的

5. take-home pay：（在扣除捐稅等后的）實得工資

6. incidental [??ns??dent（?）l] n. （常用復數）雜項;雜費

7. spring for：〈口〉付賬，請客

8. mani-pedi：手足造型美甲

9. Affordable Care Act：奧巴馬政府推出的《平價醫療法案》

10. pitch in：參加;協力;幫助

11. crutch [kr?t?] n. 拐杖;依靠，依賴

12. tricky [?tr?ki] adj. 難辦的;棘手的

13. Netflix：奈飛，美國一家在線影片租賃提供商，業務模式為在線訂閱，服務費采用包月制。

14. a fact of life：無可辯駁（或回避）的事實，無法改變的事實

15. goof around：消磨時間;閑蕩;混日子

去年春天，我22歲的女兒艾瑪揮別了大學校園，并于今年秋天輕松地找到了一份工作。經濟仍然不景氣，從新聞中看到和朋友那兒聽說的也全是近來畢業生找不到工作的事，考慮到這些，你很可能會猜想我和我丈夫很高興。我們確實高興。有那么一點兒。

艾瑪的工作還不錯，她能獲得這份工作很幸運。她在一家備受尊崇的雜志社任編輯助理。但這是如今不計其數的千禧年出生的人找到的那種工作：兼職、低薪、沒福利。

因此，在我們已經為艾瑪的大學教育支付了近25萬美元之后，有件事變得很清楚：我們對女兒未來的投資還遠未結束。

我們家絕不是個例：縱觀全美，25歲成了新的21歲。

天普大學的心理學家勞倫斯·斯坦伯格在其新出版的《機遇時代》一書中報告說，如今，25歲的年輕人接受父母經濟援助的可能性比自己父母那一代要高出50%以上。

對于二十幾歲的人來說，這不過是一種更廣泛的現象的冰山一角。這種現象的另一個顯著特點是這一代人越來越傾向于待在學校，保持未婚狀態的時間也比前幾代人要長很多。根據斯坦伯格的觀點，現在的青春期從10歲開始，25歲左右才結束，持續15年，相當于20世紀50年代青春期的兩倍還多。這可能并不是壞事。斯坦伯格的研究表明，成年期推遲對大腦發育和心理健康有一定的好處。

然而，對于二十幾歲的人的父母來說，這種推遲常常確定無疑地意味著花錢。以我們家為例：艾瑪的時薪為12美元，每周工作30個小時，每月稅后的實際收入為1235美元。同時，她每個月的總花銷在2000美元上下浮動，其中包括500美元的地下室租金、餐費、買衣服的錢、汽車的油費及保養費、娛樂花銷和一些雜七雜八的費用。

艾瑪沒有債務纏身的唯一原因就在于我和丈夫在財務方面給予了她幫助。每個月我們給她200美元的現金，同時還支付她的汽車保險和話費（她被納入了我們的家庭計劃），我還時不時地給她買衣服，請她去美發和美甲。我們還替她還助學貸款，這一直是我們財務計劃的一部分——丈夫和我會為她的大學教育埋單。

艾瑪也依然在我們的家庭醫療保險計劃中，而且根據《平價醫療法案》的規定，在26歲之前，她或許一直會參加家庭醫保計劃。除此之外，她的祖父母和外祖父母也在協力相助。我母親已經決定每月另外給艾瑪300美元作為畢業禮物，為期一年，就是為了幫她安頓下來。她的祖父母則給她買了一輛二手本田，這樣她就不用每個月還汽車貸款了。

我們為艾瑪做得太多還是太少？這個話題在我們家可以引發持續的探討。這會不會就是另一種過度干涉子女生活的方式，是“直升機父母”在金錢方面的表現形式？我們的資助應該持續多久？從何時起救命的財務援助變成了一種依賴？我丈夫喜歡開玩笑說艾瑪需要做好準備。“有一天，”他說，“當我們覺得時候到了，就會停止發放福利。”

其他父母也在這同一個微妙的領域里探索著。許多父母不愿談論這個問題，至少不愿提及自己的姓名。在我為這篇文章所做的五六次采訪中，與我談話的每一個人都要求匿名，以免自己的子女顯得不夠職業或是感到尷尬。盡管父母幫成年子女付賬的情況變得越來越普遍，但談論金錢仍然是種禁忌。

“我們有一種文化思維定式，覺得這樣的孩子是懶蛋，”斯坦伯格告訴我，“但我們并沒有任何證據來證明這一點。”

我的一位密友有三個孩子：一個24歲，去年畢業的那個22歲，還有一個仍在上學。她說她和丈夫已經明確決定要資助三個孩子，直到他們滿25歲。

為什么是25歲呢？“我覺得25歲就算成年人了，在那之后要是還在經濟上依靠父母就不正常了，”她說道，“我認為我們做父母的有責任施加些壓力，讓子女們獨立。現實情況是，我們不會讓自己的孩子餓肚子的。但告訴他們25歲以后我們就撒手不管了卻能給他們施加很大的壓力。”

與此同時，我的朋友正在幫最年長的孩子支付她在紐約的租金、醫療保險、話費、奈飛網的服務費以及她在學美術期間的其他一些雜項開支。她家老二正在兼職打工，住在家里。

“我們一直告訴孩子們經濟獨立才是目標，”她說，“但我們想給他們一個安全網，這樣他們才能鍛煉獨立能力。”

即便是那些工作好又不用擔心助學貸款的孩子也在尋求父母的幫助。我另一個朋友的孩子23歲，在一家財富管理公司工作，工資有好幾萬。她說她和丈夫仍然要給女兒買車和醫療保險，而且女兒一直都在家庭手機計劃里。

“她的薪水是不少，但租金和各種花銷也很高。”這位母親說。她還說女兒的工作性質要求她必須以職業形象示人。“她得穿體面的衣服，要做美甲，還得開一輛還算不錯的車。”

“幾乎我認識的所有人都在接受某種形式的財務援助，”一位26歲的朋友告訴我，“無論是醫療保險還是話費賬單，甚至是全額支付的房租或研究生學費，幾乎我認識的每個人都在接受資助。”

“這似乎就是一種無法回避的現實，”他說，“眼下初級職位的工作——除非是工程或金融行業的工作——無法滿足你的基本需求。”

“人們會拿自己的孩子跟自己那么大時的情形作比較，這再自然不過了，”斯坦伯格稱，“但你必須記住的是，時代變了。父母們要抵住誘惑，別說這樣的話：‘我像你這么大的時候，都上班養活自己了。’那和現在都不是一碼事。我們并非生活在同一個世界。”

歸根結底，最重要的并不是哪個剛從學校畢業甚至是畢業幾年后的人實現了經濟獨立，重要的是他們正在通往獨立的路上前進。如果我們的女兒整天都待在家里混日子，我和丈夫就不會那么愿意伸出援手了。但艾瑪現在擁有的這份工作有可能為她提供她所感興趣的領域的寶貴經驗。

而且這份工作很可能會促使她在未來擁有“真正的”工作，并實現獨立。我們相信，總有一天她會獨立，無論是在23歲、25歲還是25歲左右。