別把寶貝留在車里

2015年4月1日，上海一名家長將孩子遺忘在車里，等想起這事時孩子已失去意識;2015年6月27日，湘潭一名男童被父母遺忘在車里五小時，被發現時已經死亡。這樣的事不僅發生在中國，據統計，此類事件在美國每年會發生15～25起……“把孩子單獨留在車里”帶來的安全隱患之大有目共睹。而作為路人，當你遇到孩子被單獨鎖在車里，該如何做？如果孩子此刻真的處于危險境地，你的積極行動將挽救孩子的生命，讓一家人感恩;反之，你的熱心幫忙則可能會被認為是小題大做，多管閑事，甚至陷家長于不利境地。這是個性命攸關的選擇，也是一個兩難的選擇。

A few weeks ago， I came out of the grocery store on a hot sunny afternoon and stopped short1）. Two young kids， sisters it seemed， were sitting in the backseat of the car next to mine. The windows of the car were rolled up， the car was turned off， and no one was at the wheel2）.

I immediately did some quick math. I’d been in the store for just a few minutes， so I knew the kids hadn’t been there long. The girls， who looked to be about 12 and 9， didn’t look uncomfortable， though it was pretty hot out. But when I got into my own car， the air was stifling3）， and I thought I ought to at least wait to leave until I confirmed that the girls were OK.

Already I felt conflicted about my response. In general， I worry that my own children/kids these days are overprotected in the name of safety. And since the day a random old lady scolded me for not putting a hat on our infant daughter， I’ve strived not to be one of those busybodies4） telling other people they’re parenting wrong.

But there was still something jarring5） about seeing two kids alone in a car on a hot day. I remembered my one brush6） with heatstroke， when I didn’t realize how sick I was until I almost passed out7） in the middle of a Mexican market. A similar lack of recognition on the part of these girls could be fatal， as it is 15～25 times per year in America， and I’d be the passerby who did nothing.

I could think of plenty of reasons not to intervene， though. I didn’t have my kids with me， so I could easily see any overture8） being interpreted as a creep move. An adult man， alone， trying to coax two girls out of their car—that could end badly for me. And indeed I have left my older daughter， who is 9， in the car for a few minutes as I ran into school to get my younger one. If I walked out and found some meddler9） trying to tell my daughter her health was in danger， I’d be pissed.

Still， it was hot. The sisters were both sweating. Ten minutes had gone by， and across the street， the bank’s time-and-temperature sign read 88 degrees.

So， what would you do？

On a recent episode of Slate10）’s parenting podcast Mom and Dad Are Fighting， I posed this question to my co-host， Allison Benedikt. She suggested she might stick around to make sure the kids were OK， but would not confront the parent in question when he or she inevitably returned. She also asserted that my solution to the problem in the moment was not good enough： I bought a huge bottle of water， got the kids’ attention， left it on their trunk， and drove away—sighing with relief when I saw an adult woman walk up to the car seconds later， pick up the water bottle with a What the hell？ expression， and get in.

We got more listener emails about that segment than any we’ve done， and the feedback was almost unanimous： Why didn’t I call the police？ More damningly， why wasn’t calling the police even an option I considered？

In our next episode， we explored both sides of that question： Why calling the police might be the right thing to do， and why it might be sentencing a fit parent to a yearslong legal ordeal. We invited Tabitha Kelly， bureau chief of my county’s Department of Child and Family Services， to tell me what I ought to have done. She was blunt： “Bottom line， Dan， my recommendation is that if you ever see a child left unattended in a vehicle， call 911 immediately.”

Which is certainly the advice you would expect someone from a child protection agency to give： Let authorities and experts make the judgment calls11）—don’t make them on an ad hoc12） basis yourself. Weigh that advice， however， against the fate that befell Kim Brooks， a mother who wrote a thoughtful and chilling essay for Salon about being charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor13） when she left her 4-year-old in the car for five minutes on a cool day to quickly run an errand. （A passerby took a cellphone photo and called the police.）

Now， thousands of dollars of legal bills later （and a sentence of 100 hours of community service）， she’s not so convinced she did anything wrong—and she’s supported in this belief by the author Lenore Skenazy14） and her “free range kids” philosophy. The Free Range Kids website， dedicated to “fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps， kidnapping， germs， flashers， frustration， failure， baby snatchers， bugs， bullies， men， sleepovers and/or the perils of a non-organic grape，” is rife with15） horror stories of parents being confronted by police for， say， letting their kids play in the woods.

Surely there’s got to be a middle ground between doing nothing for kids who might be in danger and dropping a dime16）， as the “good Samaritan17）” in Brooks’ case did， on a parent whose kid was， in fact， totally fine. Perhaps the solution requires not being too chicken to confront parents （in a courteous way）， and， when a situation becomes dangerous， to swiftly and confidently call the police.

But what is dangerous？ A baby locked in a hot car demands immediate action. But beyond that obvious case， the actual danger that children are in during pretty much any scenario is pretty low. Those girls I saw in that car were more likely to suffer a heart attack than they were to be abducted by a stranger; they were dramatically more likely to be injured on the drive home than they were in the parking lot.

In the parking lot that day， I was fearful that those kids were in danger， but they weren’t， at least not yet. Sticking around for a while to keep an eye on them was an OK move on my part. Sticking around even longer to make sure they were not in danger would have been a better one. A quiet conversation with the mom when she appeared might or might not have been helpful; it surely would have annoyed her， but might have reminded her of the optics of her choice （and that next time， the observer might indeed call the cops）. But it’s hard to envision a scenario in which me calling the police would have accomplished anything positive.

I can say this， of course， because the mom came back. Had I waited 15 more minutes and no grown-up appeared—what should I have done then？ What would you do？

幾周前（編注：英文原文發表于2014年6月），在一個烈日炎炎的下午，我剛走出雜貨店就突然停下了腳步。我的車旁停著一輛車，車的后座上坐著兩個孩子，看上去像是一對姐妹。那輛車車窗緊閉，已經熄火，駕駛座上沒有人。

我立刻在腦海中盤算了一番。我在商店里只停留了幾分鐘，所以，我知道孩子們在車里待的時間還不長。那兩個小女孩一個看上去12歲左右，另一個差不多9歲的樣子。雖然室外十分炎熱，但她們看上去并沒有任何不適。可是，當我坐進自己的車里，覺得空氣悶熱得令人窒息。于是，我想我至少應該等到確認那兩個小女孩沒事后再離開。

對于自己的這種反應，我其實早就感到矛盾了。一般來說，我擔心自己的孩子現在總是受到以安全為名的過度保護。曾經有一個陌生的老太太指責我沒有給我那還是嬰兒的女兒戴帽子，從那天開始，我就努力讓自己不要像那些愛管閑事的人一樣，到處告訴別人他們的育兒方法不對。

但是，在大熱天里看到兩個孩子獨自待在車上還是令人感到不安。我還記得自己中暑的一次經歷。當時我并沒有意識到自己有多不舒服，直到后來我差點在一個墨西哥市場里暈倒。類似的認識不足對于這兩個小女孩而言可能會產生致命的后果——此類事件每年在美國會發生15～25次——而我會是那個袖手旁觀的路人。

然而，我可以想出很多不插手這件事的理由。當時，我沒有帶自己的孩子，所以不難預見，我的任何主動表示友好的行為都可能會被解讀成令人發毛的舉動。成年男子，孤身一人，試圖哄誘兩個小女孩走出她們的車——這會給我帶來很糟糕的后果。而且，我也的確曾把自己九歲的大女兒獨自留在車里待過幾分鐘，自己則跑進學校去接小女兒。如果我出來的時候，發現一個愛管閑事的人正試圖告訴我女兒她的健康正遭受威脅，我應該會很憤怒。

但是天氣太熱了。姐妹倆都汗流浹背。十分鐘過去了，街道對面銀行門口的時間與溫度牌上顯示，氣溫已經達到了88華氏度（編注：約合31.1攝氏度）。

那么，你會怎么做？

在最近一期《石板》雜志的育兒播客《媽媽爸爸在爭吵》中，我向我的搭檔主持人艾莉森·貝尼迪克特提出了這個問題。她表示，她可能會在附近逗留一會兒，確保孩子們沒事，但是在孩子的家長返回（這是必然的）后她不會當面質問他/她。她還認為我當時解決問題的做法不夠好：我買了一大瓶水，吸引孩子們的注意，把水放在她們的后備箱上，然后開車離開。幾秒種后，我看到有一位成年女士朝那輛車走去。她拿起那瓶水，臉上一副“搞什么鬼”的表情，然后上了車。那一刻，我松了一口氣。

關于這期節目，我們收到的聽眾郵件比以往任何一期節目都多，并且反饋幾乎是一致的：我為什么不報警呢？更令我難辭其咎的是，為什么我都沒考慮過報警這個選項呢？

在后面的一期節目中，我們探討了這個問題的正反兩面：為什么報警可能是正確的選擇以及為什么報警可能會導致一位合格的家長在數年內備受官司的折磨。我們邀請了塔比莎·凱莉——我所在縣的兒童與家庭服務部的負責人——來告訴我當時應該怎么做。她直言不諱地表示：“丹，我的建議是你只要看到一個孩子被留在車里無人照看，就立刻撥打911。這是底線。”

這的確是你能預料到的來自兒童保護機構的人士所給出的建議：讓權威人士和專家去做出本能的判斷——不要在特定的情境下自己去作這樣的判斷。然而，我們將那條建議和金姆·布魯克斯女士的遭遇來對比權衡一下看看。金姆是一位母親，她給《沙龍》雜志撰寫了一篇很有見地又駭人聽聞的文章。文中講到，她在天氣涼爽的一天把自己四歲的孩子留在車里五分鐘，然后自己迅速跑去辦了點事，卻因此被控危害兒童罪（一位路人用手機拍下照片并報了警）。

現在，在花費了上萬美元的訴訟費（并收到了100個小時社區服務的判決）后，她仍然不覺得自己的行為有任何不妥之處。她的這個想法得到了作家莉諾·斯科納茲及其“放養孩子”理念的支持。“放養孩子”網站致力于“同以下觀念作斗爭，那就是我們的孩子經常處于危險之中，這些危險來自變態、綁架、細菌、暴露狂、挫折、失敗、拐騙嬰兒的人販子、病毒、欺凌、男人、在外過夜以及/或者非有機葡萄暗含的危險”。這個網站上充斥著可怕的故事，故事中的家長受到警察的質詢，可能只是因為他們允許孩子們在森林中玩耍。

對于可能處于危險之中的孩子，在袖手旁觀和報警（就像布魯克斯案中的“好撒瑪利亞人”做的那樣，即使孩子事實上安然無恙，也要告發家長）之間，肯定還有折中方案。這一折中的解決方案或許需要當事人別太膽怯，敢于質問家長（以禮貌的方式），并在情況變得危險時迅速、確定地報警。

但是，什么才算是危險呢？嬰兒被鎖在一輛悶熱的車里需要立即采取行動。但是除了這種明顯的情況外，在大多數情形下，孩子們遭遇真正危險的概率非常小。我看到的那兩個坐在車里的小女孩更有可能被熱得心力衰竭而非被陌生人誘拐;與待在停車場相比，她們在開車回家的路上受傷的可能性要大得多。

那天在停車場，我害怕那兩個孩子會有危險，但是她們沒有，至少是當時還沒有危險。對我來說，在附近逗留片刻密切留意她們是個不錯的做法。在附近停留更久一些以確保她們沒事可能是更好的選擇。然而，在那位媽媽出現后和她心平氣和地交流一番，這可能有用，也可能沒用：這樣做肯定會惹惱她，但也許可以提醒她這樣做別人會如何看（并且提醒她下次路人看到可能真的會報警）。但是我很難想象我報警的話會起到任何積極的作用。

當然，我可以這么說，是因為那位媽媽回來了。如果我再等15分鐘還是沒有大人出現，那我該怎么辦？換了你會怎么辦？

1. stop short：突然停止

2. at the wheel：開車

3. stifling [?sta?f（?）l??] adj. 悶熱的，令人窒息的

4. busybody [?b?zi?b?di] n. 愛管閑事的人

5. jarring [?d?ɑ?r??] adj. 感到不快的，令人不安的

6. brush [br??] n. （不愉快之事等的）遭遇

7. pass out：昏倒，失去知覺

8. overture [???v?（r）?tj??（r）] n. （友好或求愛的）主動表示，姿態，提議

9. meddler [?medl?（r）] n. 愛管閑事的人

10. Slate：《石板》，美國知名網絡雜志，1996年創刊，以時事新聞和藝術特寫等內容而聞名。

11. judgment call：本能的判斷

12. ad hoc [??d?h?k] adj. 特別的，特設的

13. contribute to the delinquency of a minor：致兒童于危險境地

14. Lenore Skenazy：莉諾·斯科納茲，美國專欄作者、作家，曾因2008年讓九歲的兒子獨自乘地鐵而備受社會爭議，被封為“美國最糟糕的媽媽”。為此，她于2009年出版了一本書，名為《放養孩子》（Free-Range Kids： How to Raise Safe， Self-Reliant Children [Without Going Nuts with Worry]），并創建了“放養孩子計劃”項目，提倡不過度保護孩子，還孩子以自由。

15. be rife with：充滿，充斥

16. drop a dime：向警察報告違法行為

17. good Samaritan：好撒瑪利亞人，此詞出自于《圣經·路加福音》的寓言，講的是一個猶太人在路上遇到了強盜，受傷后躺在地上，路過的猶太神職人員見死不救，反而是被猶太人蔑視的撒瑪利亞人救了他。現此詞用來代指見義勇為者。