別笑！我也是科學

A man stung dozens of times by bees and chemists who unboiled an egg were honoured on Thursday night with one of science’s most storied awards， the Ig Nobel prize.

Professors， researchers， students and actual Nobel laureates from around the world gathered at Harvard University at the 25th First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony， the absurdist celebration of science that “makes you laugh， then think.”

Entomologist Justin Schmidt and Cornell researcher Michael Smith jointly won for their painstaking experiments charting how painful insect stings are， and where the stings hurt worst. Smith pressed bees up against different parts of his body until the insects stung him， five stings a day， a total of 25 different locations， for 38 days. He rated the pain one to 10， and published.

The most painful parts： the nostril， the upper lip， the shaft of the penis.

Smith was joined onstage by Schmidt， who has also sacrificed various parts of his body for science in his decades specializing in stinging insects. Schmidt’s “sting pain index2）” rates only on a scale of one to four， but also features the entomologist’s descriptions of 78 sorts of stings， written with the flair3） of a sommelier4） in a wine cellar5） with something to prove.

The bald-faced hornet6）， for instance， is in Schmidt’s estimation： “rich， hearty， slightly crunchy7）. Similar to getting your hand mashed in a revolving door.” Yellow jackets8）， on the other hand， sting “hot and smoky， almost irreverent9）. Imagine WC Fields10） extinguishing a cigar on your tongue.” Both rate a two.

The four-plus-rated bullet ant， in contrast， punishes a victim with “pure， intense， brilliant pain， like fire-walking over flaming charcoal with a three-inch rusty nail grinding into your heel.”

周四晚上（編注：英文原文發表于2015年9月18日），一名被蜜蜂蜇過很多次的男子和一群將煮雞蛋變生的化學家被授予了科學界最富傳奇色彩的獎項之一—搞笑諾貝爾獎。

世界各地的教授、研究人員、學生以及真正的諾貝爾獎得主齊聚哈佛大學出席第25屆“首屆年度搞笑諾貝爾獎頒獎典禮”。這是科學界荒誕派的慶祝活動，慶祝的是“令人發笑，而后發人深省”的科學。

昆蟲學家賈斯廷·施密特和康奈爾大學的研究員邁克爾·史密斯共同獲獎，因為他們開展了“痛苦卓絕”的試驗，將人被各種昆蟲叮咬后的疼痛程度和最疼的部位繪制成了圖表。史密斯把蜜蜂硬按在他自己身體的各個部位，好讓蜜蜂蜇他，每天蜇五下，總共蜇了25個不同的部位。試驗進行了38天。他將疼痛分為從1到10的十個等級，然后發表了研究結果。

最疼的部位是：鼻孔、上唇和陰莖。

和史密斯同臺領獎的還有施密特。幾十年來，施密特也將身體的多個部位貢獻給了科學，專門研究蜇人的昆蟲。施密特的“蜇痛指數”雖然只有1到4級，但也把這位昆蟲學家對78種昆蟲蜇痛的描述都包括了進去。他在描述時有著酒窖中要鑒定葡萄酒的侍酒師一樣的鑒別力。

以白斑臉胡蜂為例，施密特的評價是“豐盈、濃烈、稍顯松脆，就像手被旋轉門夾了一般”。而被小黃蜂刺的感覺是“灼熱、煙熏甚至是很不客氣的。想象一下W. C. 菲爾茲在你的舌頭上摁滅一支雪茄會是什么感覺”。二者的疼痛等級都是2級。

相比之下，疼痛等級為4+的子彈蟻是這樣懲罰被叮者的：“純粹、強烈的劇痛，就像走在一堆炭火上，還有一根三英寸長的生了銹的鐵釘在鉆你的腳后跟。”

Researchers from eastern Europe and Japan won in the medicine category for showing the health benefits of “intense kissing and other intimate personal acts，” in part by avidly kissing each other and testing for consequences. （Benefits included a decrease in various allergic reactions.）

來自東歐和日本的研究人員獲得了醫學類獎項。他們研究了“深情接吻和其他親密的個人行為”對健康的益處，部分研究方法是彼此熱烈接吻然后測試結果。（這些益處包括減少各種過敏反應。）

Diagnostic Medicine

診斷醫學

Scientists from a dozen countries， including Britain， Canada， New Zealand， the US and China， also won in a medicine category for finding that doctors could accurately diagnose acute appendicitis11） based on a person’s pain while driving over speed bumps12）.

來自英國、加拿大、新西蘭、美國和中國等12個國家的科學家們也贏取了一個醫學類獎項。他們發現醫生可以根據一個人駕車駛過減速帶時的疼痛反應來精準地診斷出急性闌尾炎。

Biology

生物學

Not to be outdone in the realm of juvenile curiosity， biologists from Chile and the US won for attaching sticks to the rear ends of chickens to see how it would make them walk. The chickens walked “in a manner similar to which dinosaurs are thought to have walked，” the scientists concluded triumphantly， publishing their results in a paper titled： “Walking like Dinosaurs： Chickens with Artificial Tails Provide Clues About Non-avian Theropod13） Locomotion14）.”

來自智利和美國的生物學家們的好奇心不輸于青少年。他們把棍子綁在雞屁股上，然后觀察雞會如何走路，并以此贏得獎項。這些雞走路的方式“跟想象中恐龍走路的方式相似”，這些科學家們得意洋洋地得出這樣的結論，并將研究成果寫成論文發表。論文題目為《像恐龍一樣走路：裝上假尾巴的雞為研究非鳥類獸腳亞目食肉恐龍的運動提供了線索》。

Physics

物理學

A group of physicists from the US and Taiwan， China won for finding “the law of urination”： the principle that nearly all mammals empty their bladders15） in about 21 seconds （plus or minus 13 seconds）， whether they’re the size of an elephant or a shrew16）.

Researcher David Hu said explaining that gravity was the great equalizer17）： “The taller the pipe， the faster the pee.”

“So the next time you’re waiting for someone to use the bathroom， just simply knock on the door and gently remind them，” he said. “You should be done in just 21 seconds.”

美國和中國臺灣的一群物理學家的獲獎理由是他們發現了“撒尿定律”：幾乎所有哺乳動物，不論是大象那么大還是地鼠那么小，都在21秒左右（上下浮動13秒）的時間里排空膀胱。

研究人員大衛·胡解釋稱，萬有引力是一個重要的平衡要素：“尿道越長，尿得越快。”

他說：“所以下次你等著用洗手間時，就敲敲隔間的門，輕聲提醒里面的人，你應該在21秒內尿完。”

Literature

文學

For literature， the Ig Nobel was awarded to three researchers who discovered that the word “huh” or its equivalent seems to exist in every human language.

搞笑諾貝爾文學獎授給了三位研究人員，他們發現“啊”這個詞或是其對等詞似乎存在于每一種人類語言當中。

The chemistry prize went to American and Australian researchers who managed to partially unboil an egg with a vortex fluid device， a high speed machine that converts unfolded proteins into folded proteins.

Their results， published in ChemBioChem18）， show that the team was able to refold proteins thousands of times faster than previous methods. In theory， the device has far greater application than resetting eggs： It could do everything from revolutionize the manufacturing of cancer treatments to overhaul19） the industrial production of cheese.

化學獎由美國和澳大利亞的研究人員獲得。他們利用一臺渦流裝置，設法將一個熟雞蛋的一部分變成了生雞蛋。這種渦流裝置是一種能將未折疊蛋白變成折疊蛋白的高速機器。

他們的研究成果發表在《生物化學》上。該研究成果表明，此團隊能夠以比之前的方法快好幾千倍的速度重新將蛋白質進行折疊。理論上講，這一裝置的應用前景遠遠不止重置雞蛋形態這么簡單：從顛覆癌癥治療藥物的生產到革新奶酪的工業生產，許多領域都可以用到。

Management

管理學

For a “management” category， a team from Italy and the US was awarded for finding that children who experience natural disasters， whether earthquakes， tornados or volcanic eruptions， make for business leaders who like to take risks—so long as the leaders themselves were not at risk while children.

“The bottom line is what doesn’t kill you will make you more risk loving，” said researcher Gennaro Bernile.

管理學獎頒給了一個由意大利人和美國人組成的團隊。他們發現經歷過自然災難（無論是地震、龍卷風還是火山噴發）的小孩容易成為喜歡冒險的商業領袖—只要這些領袖們本人在孩提時未受到危險。

研究人員熱內羅·伯尼爾稱：“結果就是，沒弄死你的會讓你變得更喜歡冒險。”

The ceremony was organised by the Annals of Improbable Research， a science humour magazine， and overseen in part by an eight-year-old girl who ensured that winners did not run over time during their acceptance speeches. Last year researchers won for their inquiries into whether cats are hazardous to their owners’ mental health， and for the discovery that people who stay up late are more often psychopaths20）， among other research.

Since 1991， scientists have won for such various feats as levitating a live frog with magnets， teaching pigeons to discern between Monet and Picasso， studying the effect of country music on suicides and experimenting with Coca Cola as a spermicide21）.

此次盛典由科學幽默雜志《不可能的研究年鑒》組織，由一位八歲的女孩參與監督來確保獲獎者在發表獲獎感言時不會超時。去年的獲獎者中，有人研究貓對主人的精神健康是否有害，還有人經研究發現經常熬夜者往往更加心理變態。

自1991年以來，科學家們因為諸如此類的各種功績贏得了這一獎項：有的是用磁鐵將一只活青蛙懸浮起來，有的是教鴿子區別莫奈和畢加索的畫，有的研究了鄉村音樂對自殺的影響，還有的試驗用可口可樂作為殺精劑。