潘 潔
作為醫學論文的重要組成部分[1],醫學論文的英文摘要在學術交流中起著至關重要的作用。由于論文作者英文水平的參差不齊,加之期刊編輯英文編校的能力有限,導致我國科技論文英文文題和摘要質量不高[2],尤其在基層醫學期刊中,問題更為突出。近年來,科技論文漢英翻譯方面的報道很多[3],但其中鮮有針對基層醫學期刊的研究。筆者結合多年的編輯實踐經驗,對近年來《現代診斷與治療》英文文題和摘要中的常見典型錯誤進行了探討分析,以期為基層醫學期刊論文英文文題和摘要的質量改進提供參考。
[例1]中文:東莞市厚街地區473例正常孕婦不同妊娠期甲狀腺功能變化研究。英文:Studies on Changes in Thyroid Function during Pregnancy Dongguan Region 473 Cases of Normal Pregnant Women.
本例除存在詞序混亂、介詞缺失等語法錯誤外,還有兩處中文和英文不對應,一是中文的“厚街地區”在英文中沒有譯出,二是“不同妊娠期”英文譯成了“during Pregnancy”(妊娠期)。正確的英文應為:Changes of Thyroid Function during Different Pregnancy Period in 473 Cases of Normal Pregnant Women in Houjie Region,Dongguan City。值得一提的是,依照英文文題應盡量精煉的原則[4],對原英文中多余的短語“Studies on”進行了刪除。
[例2]中文:中山大學附屬第六醫院生殖中心。英文:Sixth reproductive center of the Affiliated Hospital of Zhongshan University.
本例的中英文存在明顯的句意分歧,英文表述的作者單位是“中山大學附屬醫院第六生殖中心”,而非中文表述的“中山大學附屬第六醫院生殖中心”。正確的英文應為:Reproductive Center,the Sixth Affiliated Hospital of Zhongshan University。需要注意的是,英文序數詞的前面一般都要加上定冠詞“the”,且字母大小寫格式也應規范。
[例3]中文:對不同方法學檢測乙型肝炎血清標志物結果進行評價。英文:To evaluate the results of serum markers of hepatitis B in different aspects of the law.
本例英文中“aspects of the law”意為“法律的某些方面”,與“方法學”(Methodology)是截然不同的兩個概念,這顯然是照搬某些翻譯軟件或在線翻譯的結果造成的。應改為:To evaluate the results of serum markers of hepatitis B detected by different methods。
[例4]中文:治療過程中兩組均未發生明顯的不良反應。英文:The course of treatment,the two groups were not significant adverse reactions.
本例有兩個語法錯誤,一是作為時間狀語的“The course of treatment”前面少了一個介詞“During”;二是作為主語的“the two groups”與作為謂語的系表結構“were not significant adverse reactions”主謂不對應。應改為:During the course of treatment,no significant adverse reactions were found in both two groups.
[例5]中文:選取我院2012年1月~2015年1月收治的單側頸內動脈重度狹窄患者30例,根據臨床表現分為無癥狀組和癥狀組。英文:In our hospital in January 2012 to 2015 to January of unilateral carotid artery severe stenosis of 30 cases of patients,according to the clinical manifestation is divided into asymptomatic group and symptom group.
本例中,應作為主語的“30 cases of patients”在句中變成了時間和地點狀語的一部分,整句缺少主語且詞序混亂,謂語動詞的時態用錯,且“asymptomatic”和“symptom”詞性沒有對應。全句應改為:According to the clinical manifestations,30 cases of patients with unilateral carotid artery severe stenosis treated in our hospital during January 2012 to January 2015 were divided into asymptomatic group and symptomtic group.
[例6]中文:人們通過對支氣管哮喘的深入研究,意識到應以防治氣道炎癥為治療重點。英文:People through the in-depth study of bronchial asthma,to the prevention and treatment of airway inflammation should be the focus of treatment.
本例為典型的照搬翻譯軟件,雖然表面上看起來每個中文詞語幾乎都譯出來了,但都是按原中文語序堆在一起,詞序混亂;并且,本應作為謂語的“意識到”在英文中卻莫名丟失了。正確的英文應為:Through the in-depth study of bronchial asthma,people realize that the prevention and treatment of airway inflammation should be the focus of the treatment.
[例7]中文:對照組采用MTA封閉根管上段,治療組采用iRoot BP封閉根管上段。英文:the control group used MTA root canal closed upper treatment group using iRoot BP closed upper root canal.
本例的錯誤包括首字母未大寫、兩個并列分句之間缺少逗號和連結詞,以及多處時態錯誤(后一個分句的“using”應改為一般過去式,兩個分句的過去分詞形式的“closed”均應改為不定式形式)。正確的英文應為:The control group used MTA root canal to close the upper root canal,while the treatment group used iRoot BP to close the upper root canal.
[例8]中文:阿托伐他汀聯合前列地爾治療高血壓腎病的療效及對腎間質纖維化指標的影響。英文:The Curative Effect of Atorvastatin Combined with Alprostadil in the Treatment of Hypertensive Nephropathy and Effects on Renal Interstitial Fibrosis
本例中“Effects on Renal Interstitial Fibrosis”(對腎間質纖維化指標的影響)是由“阿托伐他汀聯合前列地爾”施加的,因句中已提到Atorvastatin Combined with Alprostadil,故應在“Effects on Renal Interstitial Fibrosis”的前面加上一個所有格代詞“Its”,并用“Influence”替換“Effect”,以免產生歧義。同時,應刪除兩個定冠詞“the”。修改后的英文為:Curative Effect of Atorvastatin Combined with Alprostadil in Treatment of Hypertensive Nephropathy and Its Influence on Renal Interstitial Fibrosis
[例9]中文:經治療后,兩組患者癥狀均有改善,但是觀察組顯著優于對照組(P<0.05)。英文:after treatment,symptoms of the two groups of patients were improved,but the observation group was significantly better than that of controls(P<0.05).
本例中,“treatment”“symptoms”和“controls”的前面均應加上定冠詞“the”,且“the observation group”和“the controls”作為比較級的兩個主體本身是對應的,加上“that of”反而不對應了。全句應改為:After the treatment,the symptoms of the two groups of patients were improved,but the observation group was significantly better than the controls (P<0.05).
[例10]中文:重型顱腦損傷后腦脊液S100b蛋白的變化及其與顱內壓的相關性研究。英文:Study on the Correlation of S100b Protein in Cerebrospinal Fluid after Severe Craniocerebral Injury and the Change of Intracranial Pressure
本例的英文直接翻譯成中文的意思是“重型顱腦損傷后腦脊液中S100b蛋白與顱內壓變化的相關性研究”,與原來的中文的句意存在分歧,這是英文的詞序錯誤所致。正確的英文應為:Change of S100b Protein in Cerebrospinal Fluid after Severe Craniocerebral Injury and Its Correlation with Intracranial Pressure
[例11]中文:兩組比較具有統計學差異。英文:compare the two groups was significant difference(P<0.05).
本例為典型的中式英語,從語法上來看,整句缺少主語,同時存在兩個謂語動詞且時態不統一。正確的英文應為:Comparing the two groups,the difference was statistically significant.
[例12]中文:治療組總有效率明顯高于對照組,差異具有統計學意義(P<0.05);治療組牙本質表面的牙骨質樣組織的沉積率明顯高于對照組,差異具有統計學意義(P<0.05)。英文:The total effective rate of treatment group was significantly higher than the control group,the difference was statistically significant(P<0.05); treatment group,the dentin surface deposition of cementum like tissue was significantly higher than that of the control group,the difference was statistically significant(P<0.05).
本例中存在的語法錯誤有三處:一是作為比較級的兩個主體的“The total effective rate of treatment group”和“the control group”不對應;二是分號后“treatment group”前面少了一個介詞“in”;三是為了與加上后的介詞“In”對應,“that of the control group”中的“of”應替換為“in”。全句應改為:The total effective rate of treatment group was significantly higher than that of the control group.The difference was statistically significant(P<0.05).In treatment group,the dentin surface deposition of cementum like tissue was significantly higher than that in the control group.The difference was statistically significant(P<0.05).
在《現代診斷與治療》英文文題和摘要的編輯工作中,最常見的英文標點符號錯誤是作者單位中所在科室與醫院之間、單位名稱與所在省市之間或所在省市與國家之間缺少逗號“,”。如下例:
[例13]中文:福建醫科大學附屬龍巖第一醫院,福建 龍巖 364000。英文:Longyan First Hospital Affiliated to Fujian Medical University Longyan 364000 China.
應改為:The First Hospital of Longyan,Affiliated to Fujian Medical University,Longyan 364000,China
此外,還有部分英文摘要存在誤用中文的頓號“、”以及逗號“,”和分號“;”的濫用問題,如[例12]中,就有兩處逗號“,”和一處分號“;”應全部改為句號“.”。
字母大小寫誤用大多出現在英文文題和作者單位中。根據相關標準[2],英文文題的最常用的書寫格式是每個實詞的首字母大寫、3個或4個字母以下的虛詞全部小寫。而由于部分作者或編輯的英譯專業知識不足,造成英文文題常出現字母大小寫混亂的問題。
[例14]Comparative Study On Efficacy Of Propofol -fentanyl In Target-controlled Intravenous Anesthesia And Intravenous Inhalational Anesthesia(異丙酚復合芬太尼在靶控靜脈麻醉與靜吸復合麻醉的療效比較)
本例中“On”“Of”和“And”的首字母均應小寫,而“fentanyl”和“controlled”的首字母應大寫。正確的格式為:Comparative Study on Efficacy of Propofol-Fentanyl In Target-Controlled Intravenous Anesthesia and Intravenous Inhalational Anesthesia.
[例15]中文:血清IL-12、IL-10及IL-18與肺結核的相關性研究。英文:Correlation of Serum IL-12,IL-10 and IL-18 and TB
本例英文中“TB”是“Tuberculosis”的縮寫,但英文縮略語的使用必須遵循國際規則和國家標準規范,一般不在文題中使用且首次出現時應注明全稱[5]。故本例中的“TB”應改為“Tuberculosis”。
本文以《現代診斷與治療》英文文題和摘要為例,對基層醫學期刊論文英文文題和摘要的常見錯誤進行了分析探討。
對于基層醫學期刊來說,要降低這些錯誤的發生率、提高英文文題和摘要的編校質量,首先,需提高論文作者對英文摘要重要性的認識和自身的英文寫作水平:作為英文摘要質量好壞的直接相關者,論文作者應加強英文寫作的學習和鍛煉,多閱讀分析英文原文摘要并模仿其寫作方法及表達方式;同時,投稿時應加強對英文文題和摘要的校對,盡量減少單詞拼寫等明顯錯誤的發生。其次,需強化期刊編輯的業務水平和英文審校能力:作為英文文題和摘要的把關人,期刊編輯要及時掌握國際科技期刊摘要的撰寫要求和寫作變化趨勢,多閱讀和模仿英文原文文獻的寫作手法;同時,在英文編輯加工中要避免過度依賴翻譯軟件和中文直譯,確保英文文題和摘要的準確和規范。最后,期刊社要重視并做好質量控制:應針對英文文題和摘要質量控制的內容,制訂合理的質控流程[6],并把控好質控的各個環節,為提高期刊的英文質量提供保障;同時,也可聘請母語為英語的外籍編委審核英文文題和摘要,為期刊的英文質量終審把關。
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