續(xù)寫中巧用句型，寫好動作

彭曉玲

讀后續(xù)寫中動作描寫多，對考生來說難度也高。在此我們一起來學習幾個好用的句型，讓動作描寫更具畫面感。

一、實例分析

前文內(nèi)容梗述：母親節(jié)當天，我和兒子Tenyson在當?shù)爻匈徫铮幸晃焕蠇D人在超市摔倒，流了很多血，兒子 Tenyson見此情形，主動提出買花送給老婦人，讓人感動……

注意：

1. 續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右

2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。

Para. 1 After a moment， the elderly lady was taken into an ambulance by medical staff and was sent to hospital.___________

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Para. 2 One year later， it was Mother’s Day again._________

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學生習作

After a moment， the elderly lady was taken into an ambulance by medical staff and was sent to hospital. ①The crowd gradually scattered. Tenyson and I went home. ②On our way home， he felt more than concerned and asked me worriedly. “Mom， will the elderly lady be OK since she was too old and sick and she had badly fallen over？”③I looked at him patiently and said，“The elderly lady would be fine since there were so many kind people coming to help her. And you did a wonderful deed， my boy.”

One year later， it was Mother’s Day again. As last year，④ I went shopping at the local supermarket with Tenyson. ⑤Suddenly， Tenyson said excitedly，“Look， Mom， it is that old woman.”⑥Hearing this， I looked that way and saw the elderly lady and her husband. Although she began to feel rigid in her legs， it seemed that she had recovered from her injury. ⑦He walked towards us， hugged my son and whispered to him，“What struck me most at that time was your flower with kindness， my sweet boy.”

分析與提升

該習作中涉及大量的動作描寫，但較多地使用and來連接前后動作，整體表達顯得過于單調(diào)。為了創(chuàng)造生動飽滿的動作畫面，我們不妨使用以下三招來提升文中句子。

第一招：用現(xiàn)在分詞短語來描述接連發(fā)生的動作。

句②On our way home， he felt more than concerned and asked me worriedly，“Mom， will the elderly lady be OK？”

提升：On the way home， he felt more than concerned， asking me worriedly，“Mom， will the elderly lady be Ok？”

第二招：用with的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)來合并兩個意義緊密關(guān)聯(lián)的句子。

句①The crowd gradually scattered. Tenyson and I went home.

提升：With the crowd scattering gradually， Tenyson and I went home.

句③I looked at him patiently and said，“The elderly lady would be fine since there were so many kind people coming to help her. …”

提升：Looking at him patiently， I said，“With so many kind people coming to help her， the elderly lady would be fine. …”

第三招：使用was /were about to do sth when…; was /were doing sth when; hardly… when… /no sooner…than…來描述兩個緊接著發(fā)生的動作。

句④ I went shopping at the local supermarket with Tenyson. ⑤Suddenly， Tenyson said excitedly， …

提升：We were shopping at the local supermarket when Tenyson cheered up excitedly， ....

二、鞏固練習

請根據(jù)括號中的中文提示完成英文句子。

第一招：用現(xiàn)在分詞短語來描述接連發(fā)生的動作。

1. _____________________（咬緊牙關(guān)），Ronny jumped to his feet and ran as fast as he could. Finally， he won the match.

2. Ronny felt overjoyed and relieved during the award ceremony，______________________（把獎品放在胸前）.

3. ____________________________________，（在經(jīng)過一番考慮之后），he decided to give the prize to his sister， Hill.

4.“Hill， see what I have got for you.”Ronny said excitedly， ____________________________（從他的包里拿出獎品）when he arrived home.

第二招：用with的復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)來連接兩個意義緊密關(guān)聯(lián)的動作。

1. The poor little girl was wandering in the street.___________

_______________（有這么多火柴要賣），she had to beg people to buy some. The snowflakes fell on her and she sat down ________________________________（把火柴放在她的腿上）。

2. She lit a match and then saw a beautiful Christmas tree _____________________________? （樹上面掛著許多禮物）。

3. She lit another match._____________________________

______（火焰燃燒著），she saw a kind old woman staring at her with smile. Nevertheless， the grandma disappeared_____________

__________（火焰熄滅時）。

4. ______________________________（寒風猛烈地刮著），she struck all the matches so that she could enjoy the meal.

第三招：用was /were about to do sth when…; was /were doing sth when; hardly… when… /no sooner…than…來描述兩個接連發(fā)生的動作。

1. Tom 一看到火往上冒時，朝Jane大喊”快逃命，否則就晚了”。

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2. 他正要抓起Jane的胳膊拉他走的時候，這時他被一陣噪音吵醒了。

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3. 我正要道別時，Hellen問我吃午飯了嗎？

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4. Hellen 得知我還沒吃飯時，邀請我和她們共進午餐。

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三、語篇練習

請根據(jù)前文內(nèi)容概述和和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。注意，在續(xù)文中注意使用上述三招所講句型。

練習：前文內(nèi)容梗述：Chris 和我到Uncle Howard 的農(nóng)場玩，Uncle Howard送了我們一個火雞蛋， 并告訴我們?nèi)绾卧?5天后孵出火雞。在我們倆的努力下，第26天終于成功孵出火雞，并給它取名Timothy。我們倆看著小火雞一天一天長大，欣喜不已，誰知父母卻告知我們火雞要被用作感恩節(jié)大餐。Chris 傷心不已，放聲大哭，我也不甘心，安慰Chris：“無論如何要拯救Timothy”。

I then had an idea when I thought of the small cave in the woods.

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However， soon Mom found Timothy missing， and Dad sent us out to look for him…….

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參考答案與范文

鞏固練習

第一招

1. Clenching his teeth

2. holding the prize close to his chest

3. taking the prize out of his bag

第二招

1. With a lot of matches to sell， with the matches put on her lap.

2. with many gifts hanging on it

3. with the flame lighting/burning， with the flame going out

4. with the cold wind buffeting heavily

第三招

1. No sooner had Tom noticed the flame reaching up than he shouted to Jane “Run for life now， or it will be too late！”.

2. He was about to grabbed Jane’s arm to pull her away when he was waken up by a noise.

3. I was about to say goodbye when Hellen asked if I had had lunch.

4. No sooner had Hellen known I didn’t? have lunch than she invited me to have lunch with them.

語篇練習

I then had an idea when I thought of the small cave in the woods. It was a cave that was well hidden beneath the bushes and leaves， so it must be the safest place for Timothy. I told Chris the idea of hiding Timothy in that secret cave. Hearing it， Chris agreed with eyes sparkling. 或 Hearing it， Chris stopped crying， smiling with wild joy. Spying on Dad and Mom， we hid ourselves behind the door. No sooner had Dan and Mum gone out than we rushed to the cave with Timothy in my arms. Finally， Timothy had his life saved. With us carrying out the plan successfully， we all fell sound asleep， having a good dream that night.或 After making sure it was safe， we returned home， pretending nothing had happened.

However， soon Mom found Timothy missing， and Dad sent us out to look for him. Suddenly， the happiness of succeeding in hiding Timothy disappeared quickly， which left us in a low spirits. We were in a dilemma whether we would pretend to search for Timothy or tell the truth. Having thought about the situation for a while， we decided to be honest with our parents. After telling our story或Having told our story， we were waiting for our punishment when Dad surprised us most， saying that he has decided to give up the idea of having Timothy for Thanksgiving dish and allowed us to keep Timothy. What a big surprise！ It seemed that my parents understood our true love for Timothy and the craziness children possess in their growth.

責任編輯 蔣小青