讀后續寫之語言協同策略

郭娟

讀后續寫中語言協同是指考生所寫的續寫段落與原文在語言形式和風格上保持一致的程度。語言協同是讀后續寫中非常重要的一項評分標準。語言協同度越高，考生續寫分數也越高，反之亦然。但是考生續寫的語言如何才能和原文渾然一體，達到高度的協同呢？本文通過實例梳理讀后續寫之語言協同的三個策略，助考生一臂之力。

一、析原文語言

考生在閱讀續寫原文的時候，不僅要解讀故事情節，更要關注原文語言的形式與風格。因此，考生可以邊讀邊劃出原文不同的語言形式，如-ing分詞放句首或句尾做狀語、-ed分詞放句首或句尾做狀語、獨立主格結構、復合句等對于表達主題意義所發揮的功能，同時也要關注原文的心理描寫、環境描寫、動作描寫等對于凸顯主題意義的作用。下面以2023年浙江省聯考題為例來闡釋如何分析原文語言，并進行分類總結，其原文如下：

School was over， the day was fading and it started to rain. I stood at the school gate， with a loaded backpack on my shoulders. It was Friday again—a weekend of joy with unlimited sleeping hours and dinner courses specially made to my taste. I waved goodbye to my friends as they jumped into their fathers’ warm and comfortable cars. Curiously， this gave rise to a disturbing feeling in me. It was not exactly what they called jealousy， but something like depression. I knew all I could expect was an old bike Mom would ride along on， with the badly-oiled chain creaking against the wheel to announce her arrival.

Every Friday when Mom came to pick me up， it was a moment full of great expectation and great unease. I always felt my face burning as we rode our way in and out of the cars and saw my friends’ faces sticking out of the car windows. It was like stepping into a ballroom with beautifully dressed ladies and finding yourself in a smelly T-shirt.

To tell you the truth， Mom is quite a headache occasionally. She looks like a homely middle-aged housewife. She knits most of my sweaters， chiefly in old styles. Whenever caught by some curious classmates asking what brand my sweaters are， I’d force a smile and reply in a half-joking manner： homemade. She simply doesn’t seem to understand what’s in fashion; Chanel or Gucci means nothing to her.

I couldn’t remember when I started to find her such an embarrassment. As a little boy， I relied on her so much. She had been working at home， cooking in the kitchen， knitting by the lamp， or riding across town to buy me a book I badly needed. It had always been fun riding with her. I had enjoyed watching our shadows growing longer and shorter in an alternate fashion by the light of the streetlamps along the road. Just now there seemed to be something standing between us， something that made her so strange to me and me to her.

文章講述了下雨天作者背著沉重的書包站在學校門口等待媽媽騎著破舊的自行車來接他，而他的同學們卻坐在舒服的小汽車里，這讓作者感到非常不安。曾經，和媽媽一起騎車對他來說是一件開心快樂的事情，而如今，這讓他非常尷尬難堪。他和媽媽不再親密無間，似乎有點隔閡，他們中間似乎有些陌生。文中運用的語言形式如下：

1.with復合結構放句尾做狀語：I stood at the school gate， with a loaded backpack on my shoulders.；

I knew all I could expect was an old bike Mom would ride along on，with the badly-oiled chain creaking against the wheel to announce her arrival. 兩個with復合結構生動形象地描述了作者背著沉重的書包站在學校門口等著騎嘎吱作響的自行車的媽媽來接他的場景。

2.As引導時間狀語從句：I waved goodbye to my friends as they jumped into their fathers’ warm and comfortable cars. As引導的從句講述了作者的同學開心愉快坐在舒服的小汽車里，與作者的境遇形成鮮明的對比，創造了故事的沖突。

3.副詞做狀語：Curiously， this gave rise to a disturbing feeling in me. 副詞Curiously放句首引出作者不安的心情。

4.比喻手法：It was like stepping into a ballroom（舞廳） with beautifully dressed ladies and finding yourself in a smelly T-shirt.明喻“like”的使用更加形象、生動、鮮明地凸顯出作者的尷尬之情。

5.非謂語的使用：Whenever caught by some curious classmates? asking what brand my sweaters are， I’d force a smile and reply in a half-joking manner： homemade. 在Whenever引導的時間狀語從句中省略了主語“I”，直接使用過去分詞“caught”使句子更加簡潔，現在分詞asking的使用使句意更加緊湊明了，進一步彰顯出作者的尷尬和無奈。

6.動作描寫：She had been working at home， cooking in the kitchen， knitting by the lamp， or riding across town to buy me a book I badly needed.通過“working、cooking、knitting、以及riding”動詞的連續并列使用，勾勒出勤勞能干、充滿母愛的“媽媽”的形象，為續寫段落鋪墊情感基調。

7.心情描寫：Every Friday when Mom came to pick me up， it was a moment full of great expectation and great unease. I always felt my face burning as we rode our way in and out of the cars and saw my friends’ faces sticking out of the car windows. 兩處心情描寫把作者的羞愧和尷尬之情進一步推進，為續寫段落提供情感線索。

8.環境描寫：I had enjoyed watching our shadows growing longer and shorter in an alternate（交替的）fashion by the light of the streetlamps along the road. 通過對“shadow、the light of streetlamps”的描寫表現出以前作者和母親一起騎自行車的幸福與快樂。

通過以上分析可知，原文語料提供了八種不同的語言形式來講述故事的開端、發展、高潮并彰顯了作者內心的沖突，那么，考生應該運用什么樣的語言風格寫續文才能達到高度的協同呢？

二、創造性模仿

創造性模仿是指在建構續寫內容的同時，根據故事情節需要，創造性模仿原文語言特點和風格，即對原文的語言根據表意功能進行合理遷移運用在續寫段落中以達到續文和原文語言的高度協同。分析續寫原文的語言特點之后，考生需要根據以上分析進行創造性模仿并完成續文。結合兩個已給的段首句：“Today Mom showed up in a raincoat；Mom tried to cover me with the raincoat again as a storm set in.”可知續寫第一段應主要描述作者看到騎著自行車、穿著雨衣的媽媽在校門口接自己的場景，把作者內心的尷尬之情推向頂峰；第二段主要內容應為通過對母親騎自行車的細節描寫，體現出作者由尷尬轉為愧疚之情的過程。一位考生的作品如下：

Today Mom showed up in a raincoat. Hardly had I seen her when I felt my face flushed with shame and embarrassment. Wearing a worn-out raincoat， she called me in such a loud voice that it nearly arrested all my classmates’ attention， who fixed their eyes on me. How I wish I could disappear into the air！ Nevertheless， I had no alternative but to walk towards her. Lowering my head， I felt my sweat forming in tiny droplets on my forehead. As she tried to cover me with the raincoat， I simply wanted to push it away. Throwing my backpack heavily into the front basket of the bike and jumping onto the backseat， I shot a blaming glance at her.

Mom tried to cover me with the raincoat again as a storm set in. Reluctantly， I pulled it over， sheltering from the heavy rain. With the wind roaring angrily and the raincoat dancing， I felt warm and secure inside， just like a little bird snuggling up to its mother’s protective wings. Mom bent forward， pedaling with all her strength， her waist twitching with tension. Seeing her back and thinking of all she had done for me， I started to feel guilty of my coldness， tears welling up in my eyes. Quietly， I slipped（悄悄放置） my hands around Mom’s waist， gently pressing my face against her back. In the howling wind as well as pouring rain， I found myself hugging my mother， tighter than ever before.

該考生能夠盡量創造性模仿原文語言，達到續文與原文的高度融合。該考生把原文語言形式與特點恰如其分遷移到續文中，其主要體現如下：

1. 創造性模仿原文的with復合結構：Hardly had I seen her when I felt my face flushed with shame and embarrassment. With the wind roaring angrily and the raincoat dancing， I felt warm and secure inside， just like a little bird snuggling up to（依偎） its mother’s protective wings. 通過“with復合結構”的使用，把作者見到媽媽時的羞愧和尷尬描述得淋漓盡致并描繪出狂風咆哮、雨衣飛舞的場景，為下文情緒的轉變奠定基礎。

2. 創造性模仿原文的As引導時間狀語從句：As she tried to cover me with the raincoat， I simply wanted to push it away. As引導的從句表現出媽媽對作者的愛以及作者的不愿接受形成對比。

3. 創造性模仿原文的副詞做狀語：Reluctantly， I pulled it over， sheltering from the heavy rain. 副詞reluctantly 體現出作者對媽媽為我蓋上雨衣的行為的抗拒到逐漸接受的過程。

4. 創造性模仿原文的比喻手法：With the wind roaring angrily and the raincoat dancing， I felt warm and secure inside， just like a little bird snuggling up to its mother’s protective wings. 明喻的使用充分展示了媽媽庇護作者的生動畫面，表現出作者對媽媽的負面情緒開始轉變。

5. 創造性模仿原文的非謂語：Wearing a worn-out raincoat， she called me in such a loud voice that it nearly arrested all my classmates’ attention， who fixed their eyes on me. 非謂語doing短語 “wearing a worn-out raincoat”放在句首，突顯出媽媽穿著破舊雨衣的形象。

6. 創造性模仿原文的動作描寫： Mom bent forward， pedaling with all her strength， her waist twitching with tension. Quietly， I slipped（悄悄放置） my hands around mom’s waist， gently pressing my face against her back. 通過 “bend forward身體前傾， pedal竭盡全力踩腳踏板， twitch腰部的扭動”系列動詞，描述出媽媽為了孩子傾盡全力的場景，令人潸然淚下。通過動詞“slip， press”表明作者已經體會到媽媽對自己深沉的愛，由對媽媽的嫌棄轉為感動、感激！

7. 創造性模仿原文的心情描寫：Seeing her back and thinking of all she had done for me， I started to feel guilty of my coldness， tears welling up in my eyes. 本句的心情描寫表明作者對媽媽態度的徹底轉變，故事的沖突得到了解決。

8. 創造性模仿原文的環境描寫：In the howling wind as?well as pouring rain， I found myself hugging my mother， tighter than ever before. 環境描寫襯托出作者對母親的感激和依戀之情！

綜合以上分析可見，該考生對原文語言風格與特點的遷移能力很強，能夠很好把握語言的表意功能并進行創造性模仿，此乃不可多得的考場佳作！

三、修改潤色

完成續文后，考生要對其進行修改潤色，不但要檢查情節構思的合理性，更要關注是否有語言錯誤，比如拼寫、時態、語法、用詞不當等并及時改正。一些低級的語言錯誤是非常影響最后得分的，因此修改潤色對于考生來說是非常必要的一個環節。

綜上所述，要達到讀后續寫語言的高度協同，考生首先要認真分析原文語言的特點和風格及其表意功能，并基于此進行創造性模仿完成續文，最后要對其進行修改潤色。語言能力的提升需要較高的模仿和遷移能力，而讀后續寫中實現語言的高度協同是提升語言能力的有效途徑。

【本文系中小學英語教學研究專項課題“基于深度閱讀的高中英語寫作任務活動的設計與實施研究”（批準號：GDJY-2022-A-yyb84）以及廣東省教育科學研究項目重點課題“高中英語閱讀教學中學科能力培養的行動研究”（批準號：2023ZQJK119）系列研究成果】

責任編輯 吳昊雷