Personal statement

主持人說：連續閱讀了好幾期的留美文章，本期《留學》為大家推薦英國大學的申請文書。

主持人_王眾 鄧茗文

Genes， the most exquisite masterpieces of nature， have long appealed me.My mother used to be a Paediatrician， she has given me some knowledge about genetic diseases. I still recall a child that my mother had diagnosed who suffered from Down Syndrome—his eyes were separated far apart， his eyelids were creased and he had severe mental retardation. Since then my interest in Genetics was hence rooted in my heart.

Although gene technology has brought tremendous advances to our life， it still can do little to a number of patients suffering from genetic diseases. This is what motivates me to explore further in this field. My ambition is to improve or even discover some techniques in gene therapy to treat genetic diseases.

Supplementary readings on Genetics and on other areas of Biology have broadened my horizon， I realise that this subject is far more profound than I thought. I found that everything in a genetic phenomenon can be so intricate. Examples like translocation between non-homologous chromosomes， bacterial conjugation and chromosomal inversion still appear to be unpredictable and incomprehensible to me， but I believe in their mechanisms which may be the key to my further research. Among the books I have read through， the Selfish Gene impressed me most and changed my view to Biology immensely， because I had never thought that the philosophical logics could be so crucial and exciting in such a scientific subject. This book has guided me to a more objective and balanced perspective on studying biology.

In the summer holiday I spent one month in the molecular Biology laboratory in Kunming Institute of Botany， Chinese Academy of Sciences. I designed and finished an experiment project investigating the genetic variation of some gene regions between different species of plants and within a species of plant. My experiment started from collecting of plant leaf samples， followed by the extraction of plant DNA. I learned to test roughly the purity of extracted DNA using a nanodrop spectrometer and agarose gel electrophoresis. Next I ran the polymerase chain reaction with the DNA samples and different primers. The PCR products were then purified with enzymes followed by a sequencing PCR reaction. Finally after being precipitated， washed， dried and re-dissolved， the DNA products are sequenced. Through analysis of the chromatogram results I had successfully obtained 91 DNA sequences of different genes in total and I had completed a report based on my lab work results and conclusions. This lab work experience has provided me with a great deal of knowledge and practical skills in a laboratory. I am confident that this extraordinary experience will be an important step to my future scientific research. Furthermore I have also visited the seed bank there where I learnt some techniques in investigating and preserving plant seeds.

I am a versatile person in my spare time. I like playing table tennis and snooker， because I am keen on predicting the path of the spinning ball. I used to be a leader of the cooking club at school and have organised some school events including a sale of pancakes for charity. My favourite hobby is cooking and I am a chef at heart. I love cooking and creating both Chinese and Western dishes. What I look for is not only the taste， but the elegance and art of food： the shapes， the combination of colours and the ambience created. I usually share my dishes with my family and friends， and this has become a stylish way of communication.

I have been longing for studying Genetics at university in order to unveil its mysterious nature that has obsessed me. As a creative and enthusiastic student， I would devote myself to this subject and strive for a successful career.

《留學》點評

這是本欄目第一次為大家介紹理科生申請英國本科的文書。劍橋大學給我們的印象是保守而嚴謹的，作者作為一個意氣風發的18歲男生，通篇的文字一不張揚、二注重細節，與目標學校氣質相符。

不過，這篇文章行文的流暢度不夠，句子的節奏感欠佳，整體稍感青澀。但作為一個高中畢業生申請本科的PS，實在難能可貴了。

1、 散文式開頭。后半句的“吸引我很久了”引出下文和讀者興趣。

2、 英美國家的家族感和傳承感很強。家族淵源對于申請有著潛移默化的好影響。這也不是我們第一次在文書的開端看到學生回憶家庭對自己興趣的影響。

3、用快節奏的語言進行細節描寫，可以凸顯真誠并給讀者留下深刻的印象。

4、作者很善于使用散文式的、略帶煽情的語言。

5、一個致力于解決問題的目標才稱得上雄心壯志。這里作者措辭還是比較保守的，沒有直接用“discover”。顯得很嚴謹。

6、 看不懂吧？那就對了，PS里總要適度地秀出自己的專業知識，但是未必需要長篇累牘，一個充滿學術寫作范兒的長難句是加分的 ，不過不要出現過多。

7、本段一開頭就提到自己讀了大量的專業書籍。此處更是提出自己印象最深的一本，既滿足了讀者的本能反應，也可為面試留下談資、話題。

8、既寫出了自己從書中學到了什么，又展現了自己現在理性客觀的科研精神。

9、 這個開頭有些突兀，如果能加入一個承上啟下的句子就更好了。

10、Sth. started from … followed by …是個好句式，簡潔地表達出前后句的邏輯關系。

11、不錯的承上啟下。總結了前文自己的實際操作能力，又可平滑過渡到下文的感悟。

12、“對預測走向很有熱情”，這不僅是個好運動員的心理素質也是個好科學家的心理素質。

13、 信息量很大的一句話：leader，領導力；cooking club，自己的烹飪愛好；organise events，組織能力；charity，社會責任感及有愛心。

14、 自創菜譜，創造力是做科研的寶貴品質哦。

15、色香味俱全的散文體說法。

16、 這是一句非常高尚的結尾了。

《留學》點評人王眾

廣東外語外貿大學英語專業本科，英國卡迪夫大學國際新聞系碩士，曾DIY申請資料，了解文書寫 作。

孟根屹 （本期文書作者）

劍橋大學本科生物系學生。2013年年鑒里，被列入該校生物學科最優秀的學生，也是當年唯一一個獲此殊榮的學生。在本期《留學》家長會中，他的媽媽胡萍分享了自己11年非主流教育下，孟根屹的成長與思考。這份助他入主申請劍橋的文書正是對他前18年成長的回應與總結。