我的戰斗：對抗“速讀”人生

生活在一個追求速度和效率的時代，人人都像上了發條一樣，追著時間不停地奔跑，或是努力讓自己一心多用，力求用最少的時間做最多的事。在這樣馬不停蹄的奔跑中，生活如電子書一樣被匆匆翻過，也如速讀時代的電子書一樣沒在人們心中留下多少痕跡。如此“速讀”人生，真的值得嗎？

It’s been exactly one year since I wrote “Distracted Living.” In that piece， I described a night when I left my daughter alone in the tub while I went to start the shower for her brother. I stopped to look at an e-mail. It was just two minutes， but it could have been a lifetime. She had fallen asleep in the bathtub. I could have lost her.

I had no idea that my story of that night would resonate with so many. What was it that we were responding to？ How it is that so many men and women across the country saw themselves in that moment？ What was taking over all of us？

I have revisited this question many times over a long， wonderful， and exhausting year. I believe there were two parts to my story that night. The first was a feeling that I believe resonates with many of us—we feel frustration or boredom in the day-to-day minutiae1） of parenting， and we use our phones as an escape from these hard feelings. The other piece of it was a desire to operate much like our phones， to try to do multiple things at once with increasing efficiency. Perhaps it’s not just that we’re glued to our phones， but rather that we’re becoming them.

I regret that after all this time， I still have more questions than answers. Are our lives supposed to have a headline， a main story that we could， in effect， be distracted from？ Or are we supposed to be living in multiple places， spaces and stories at all times？ Were we designed that way？ Or are we adapting， literally evolving， from an evolutionary place in terms of how we operate， based on these little devices we almost always have in our hands， next to us， in our back pocket， in front of our faces， on our nightstands， never more than two inches from us？

I have come to realize that my desire to multi-task stems from a very human place， not just an overly aggressive attachment or dependency on technology. You see， what I missed in my post one year ago was that I pinned the source of this inability to single task， this feeling of chronic2） distractedness， as directly correlated with the rise of smartphones and tablets. It was easy to blame this feeling on technology， which felt like the likely candidate.

Sure， I think there is some truth to that—that there is some sinister3） underpinning4） to the increasing scope of this stuff in our lives. But what I undervalued is what drives that increasing scope： you and me. Human desires， struggles， boredom， frustration. I wasn’t just externally distracted by other people and places and things that needed me， I was equally seeking distractions in a very human quest to evade tricky feelings through enough apps and clicks.

Over the past several months， I have taken some steps to increase my comfort level with the role of technology in my life， and to minimize distractions. I have specific moments in my day when phones and tablets are far away. These include： meals， driving， bathing， and bedtime rituals with our children. I have deleted all social media apps from my phone. If I want to check something I need to do so through Internet Explorer which is more cumbersome5） and less user-friendly on a mobile device. This is good because it discourages me from doing so too often throughout the day. Perhaps most importantly， all of my notifications have been disabled. It doesn’t hum or rattle6） or beep or anything. It just lies there and does nothing， the way a piece of plastic should.

But this feeling of struggling to single task， I would be lying if I said it didn’t still persist. It is hard to be okay with letting things drop： being late， or messy or uncomfortable or letting little ones feel impatient. It is hard to feel that you cannot help them all or do it all. It is a hard truth borne from a slowly evolving realization that doing less can， in fact， mean more.

I recently read an article detailing a scientific study that people who read books， or who engage in “slow reading，” are more able to retain information than if the same thing is read on an e-reader. The authors write： “As we increasingly read on screens， our reading habits have adapted to skim text rather than really absorb the meaning.” This perfectly sums up this feeling that I continue to struggle with： this feeling of trying to do too much at any one time； this feeling of skimming through life， rather than absorbing the meaning.

Do you know this feeling？ It is the difference between sitting at the table versus being at it， or putting them to bed versus tucking7） them in. It is the difference between eating your food versus tasting it or raising your kids versus enjoying them. Are you truly there in mind and body， or are you skimming？

Honestly， it’s harder than it looks. One year later， I still fight the impulse to avoid hard feelings by looking down， or to just multitask my way through the hours. Each day， I am at war with myself over the misguided and culturally reinforced notion that having it all， in fact， means doing it all. It is a hard fight. But I continue to wage8） my own daily struggle with intention.

I fight knowing that this life and the people I love are worth it； knowing how much better and brighter it will be to put down a world filled with mindless to-dos and distractions that glow at me from within my phone， to truly stay present in the world I am blessed enough to be in.

此刻距我寫下《心不在焉的生活》那篇文章已經整整一年。在文章中，我講述了一個夜晚發生的事：我把女兒獨自一人留在浴缸里，自己則去給兒子打開淋浴，其間我停下來查看了一封電子郵件。僅僅是短短的兩分鐘，卻差一點令我追悔終生。女兒在浴缸里睡著了，我險些失去了她。

我沒想到，自己當晚的經歷居然讓那么多人產生了共鳴。讓我們產生共鳴的是什么？為什么全國各地那么多男男女女都在那一刻看到了自己的影子？當時占據我們所有人心思的是什么呢？

在這漫長、美妙而疲憊不堪的一年中，我多次思考過這個問題。我認為當晚的故事包含兩個方面：一方面是我想很多人都有共鳴的一種感覺，即為人父母的我們由于每天都要操心種種瑣碎事情，所以感到心灰意冷或心生厭倦，于是通過手機來逃避這些糟糕的情緒；另一方面是我們渴望像手機一樣運轉，試圖不斷提高效率，同時做幾件事情。也許，我們不僅僅是與手機如膠似漆，也在把自己變成手機。

遺憾的是，時至今日，我的問題仍然比答案多。我們的生活是否應該有一個大標題，一個我們事實上可能會偏離的故事主線？還是說我們應該始終生活在多個地方、多個空間和多個故事當中？我們生來就是如此嗎？還是說我們的行為方式從某一個進化點開始一直在適應（事實上是在進化）呢？這種進化的發生基于這些小小的設備，我們幾乎每天都把它們拿在手上，放在身邊，裝在后兜里，舉在面前，擺在床頭柜上，與我們的距離永遠不超過兩英寸。

我開始意識到，我想要同時做幾件事的渴望源自人性深處，而不僅僅是對科技過度強烈的依戀或依賴。要知道，一年前我在寫那篇文章時并沒有注意到，我是錯把無法專心做一件事的這種老是分心的感覺歸罪于了智能手機和平板電腦的興起，認為這兩者直接相關。人們很容易把這種感覺的產生歸咎于科技，覺得似乎就是科技惹的禍。

的確，我覺得這種想法有一定的道理—科技在我們生活中的日益泛濫受某種邪惡力量的支持。但我卻低估了這種日益泛濫之勢的推動力，那就是你我，是人類的欲望、掙扎、乏味和沮喪。讓我分心的不僅僅是需要我的人、地方以及事情這些外部因素，我同樣也在主動尋找讓我分心的事物，這是源自人性的一種探尋，希望通過各種應用程序和鏈接來逃避不好的情緒。

在過去的幾個月里，我采取了一些措施，使自己更自如地對待科技產品給生活帶來的影響，并把干擾降至最低。在每天特定的時間段里，我會把手機和平板電腦放在離我很遠的地方。這些時間段包括用餐、開車、洗澡以及睡前跟孩子們的例行活動。我刪除了手機里所有的社交媒體應用。如果我想查點什么，就得通過因特網瀏覽器來查，這在移動設備上操作起來更不方便，也更不好用。這樣挺好的，因為它打消了我在一天里頻繁上網查東西的念頭。或許最重要的是，我在關閉了手機上所有的推送通知。手機再也不會發出嗡嗡、咚咚、嘟嘟或是其他什么動靜，只是躺在那里什么也不做—一塊塑料本該如此。

不過，如果我說這種單任務處理已經不再讓我有掙扎的感覺，那我就是在說謊。丟下一些事情不管很難讓人覺得好受，比如遲到，任由家里亂糟糟，感覺不舒服，或是讓孩子們感覺焦躁。幫不上所有人或者做不了所有事情也讓人覺得難受。這是一個讓人難以接受的真相，源自我慢慢意識到的一點：少做一點實際上意味著做得更多。

最近我看的一篇文章中詳細闡述了一項科學研究。該研究指出，針對同樣的內容，看紙質書的人或“慢讀”的人比使用電子閱讀器閱讀的人更能記住信息。文章作者寫道：“隨著我們越來越多地在屏幕上看書，我們的閱讀習慣也隨之改變為粗略地瀏覽文字，而不是真正理解其含義。”這句話貼切地概括了我一直以來都在與之抗爭的感覺：那種在任何時候都想要做太多事的感覺，那種浮光掠影地生活而不去理解其中深意的感覺。

你明白這種感覺嗎？這是坐在餐桌邊和用心進餐之間的差別，是把孩子們弄上床和給他們蓋好被子之間的差別。這是吃東西和品味食物之間的差別，或是養活孩子和享受孩子成長之間的差別。你是全身心地活在那一刻，還是浮光掠影地活著？

實話說，這事看上去容易，做起來卻難。一年過去了，我依然在努力按捺自己的沖動，以防自己通過低頭看手機來逃避壞情緒，或是在幾個小時里同時做幾件事。每一天，我都在與自己斗爭，使自己不要相信那個明明不對卻還在文化上得到強化的觀念—擁有一切事實上就是包攬一切。這是一場艱苦的戰役，但我仍在有意地繼續進行這場每日的斗爭。

我斗爭，因為我知道，生活本身和我愛的人們值得我這樣做；因為我知道，放下手機里朝我閃爍的那些單調乏味的待辦事項和干擾活動，把這一切拋諸腦后，真正地活在當下，活在這個我如此幸運才得以來到的世界中，生活將會更加美好和燦爛。

1.minutiae [ma??nju??ii?] n. [復]細枝末節，瑣事

2.chronic [?kr?n?k] adj. 積習難改的

3.sinister [?s?n?st?（r）] adj. 不幸的；災難性的

4.underpinning [??nd?（r）?p?n??] n. 基礎；支撐

5.cumbersome [?k?mb?（r）s（?）m] adj. 難使用的，

不方便的

6.rattle [?r?t（?）l] vi. 發連續短促的尖利聲，發格

格聲

7.tuck [t?k] vt. 把……舒適地蓋（或裹）在里面，用

被子把……裹住

8.wage [we?d?] vt. 進行；從事；開始